You're My Everything (Septiplier)

"You'll wish our arms were strong enough to hold him forever."

-Mark's POV-

The car ride back to the house was quiet. Felix spent most of the time looking sadly at his roses, and occasionally wiping a tear from his eye. By the time we made it back to the house I was a nervous wreck, and Jack pretty much tackled me once I got through the front door.

"Thank god," Jack said, his voice slightly breathless as he looked at both Felix and me, "I was so worried about the two of you. What happened? Tell me everything."

I quickly told him about the conversation that I had with Felix as Felix say down at the dining room table, and placed the roses next to him.

"Felix?" Jack asked after a moment, "Are you all right?"

Felix nodded his head, but his blue eyes were shining with new tears.

Jack looked back at me worried, and after a quick sigh, both Jack and I sat down at the dining room table next to him.

"Please don't tell Hunter anything until I get back to California," Felix said quickly, his blue eyes looking directly into mine.

Jack made a sharp sound in his mouth, and Felix and I both glanced at him, but Felix continued.

"He's not going to handle it well, Mark. Just...just trust me on this. Hunter doesn't do well with really severe emotions. There have been a couple of times that I have seen him struggle with intense feelings. He starts to shake, and he looks terrified. His eyes..."

Felix paused, trying to put what he was seeing in his mind into words.

"It's not going to be good," he finished, his voice unnaturally small. "I want to be here for him when it happens. When you have to tell him the truth about how you feel."

Jack took a hold of my hand and squeezed it gently, and there was silence for a few minutes. Finally I spoke again.

"Is this what you really want, Fe? To...be his shoulder to cry on when I tell him that I don't love him back? That's a horrible place to be when you...you'd be comforting someone you love who doesn't love you back."

"I know that," Felix muttered, tears forming in his eyes again. "But, he'll need someone then. I want to be that someone that he needs, even if he...doesn't..."

A broken sob fell from his lips and he placed his head in his slender hands. Jack raced over and gave him a gentle hug as he rocked back and forth in the chair.

"This is too much," Jack said, his lips trembling as he held onto Felix tightly. "No person can be worth this much pain. Please, don't do this to yourself."

Felix shook his head no as he allowed himself to still be held up.

"He's going to need someone after all of this is done. He doesn't have anyone who he trusts except for us, and he won't be able to deal with it."

Felix raised his head to look at both Jack and I, and I felt my heart break at the redness in his eyes as he looked at us, almost begging for us to understand.

"He holds back so many of his emotions. I was like that too before therapy," he explained. "I know what holding back looks like, but Hunter is so in control all of the time...it's almost too perfect how he deals with strong feelings. He's starting to crack. Last week, before all of this...I was at his place and I heard him crying in the kitchen. He was making me breakfast...and I got up to check on how long it was going to be and..."

Another wave of tears and Jack held onto him until he could continue.

"He was just sitting at the table and crying. It was like he couldn't stop, and the way he shook...it broke my heart. I walked in to...comfort him and the shock on his face in me seeing him like that. It terrified him. His eyes were almost wild with fear, and he stammered an apology."

Felix shook his head almost in disbelief.

"He apologized for being upset. It made no sense, and when I tried to talk to him about it, he refused to tell me what was wrong. When I tried to gently push, he just shut down completely."

"Shut down?" Jack asked.

Felix gave a sad nod. "He just wouldn't talk to me at all. Just sat there and stared at his hands. His eyes...his beautiful eyes were just..."

"Vacant?" I asked.

Felix looked at me, his expression startled.

"Yes, exactly. Like he...wasn't..."

I felt myself sigh as my mind flew back again to right after I told him that we couldn't date. The gorgeous green eyes that I had grown so fond of looking at went suddenly cold and...like he...

"Like he wasn't there anymore, and you weren't sure if he was ever coming back."

Both Jack and Felix looked at me, both had shock all over their faces.

"Mark," Jack said, his tone full of concern, "Why do you know so much about what Felix is talking about?"

"Hunter acted like that right after I told him that we couldn't date, and when I tried to talk to him more about it, he just got up and left the house. Said that he would be back later, but he needed some fresh air."

"When did he come back?" Felix asked, pulling away from Jack's hug and leaning forward in the chair.

I shrugged my shoulders, really annoyed that I didn't remember.

"I didn't see him until the next afternoon, and then he seemed for the most part fine again. A little quieter than normal, but up until we both left for summer break about a month later, we were for the most part fairly friendly with each other. It was never the same of course. How could it be, but I thought that he for most part as doing all right."

"See?" Felix said, looking back to Jack, and then to me again. "He's able to just push through things, without dealing with them. After I tried to talk to him, and he shut down, within a few hours after he went for a jog, he seemed fine again. Just like normal, and that's...he couldn't have actually dealt with how he was feeling, right?"

Jack shook his head. "No, I doubt that. And Hunter would have needed way more time to get over you, Mark. It's took me a very long time to get past Signe. We need to be careful how we approach you talking to Hunter."

"This is why I begging the two of you to please not say anything to him until I get back," Felix said, his eyes looking teary again. "Just give me time to talk to him tomorrow. I'm willing to slow things down with him. Maybe that will help him not feel so guilty about everything."

"You would do that?" Jack asked, his face looking pained again. "But Felix, you love -"

"I do," Felix said, the tears falling off of his narrow cheeks again. "I..I've never thought that I could ever love someone as much as I love him. That's why I need to do this. I need to allow him to work through this."

"Do you think that he'll want to stay with you?" Jack asked.

Felix sighed heavily, and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"I do think that he cares about me a lot," he admitted. "He's told me that, but I think the feelings that he has for Mark are stopping him from feeling anything else. I think that once he finds out the truth, he'll he opened to loving me. After some time, of course."

I looked at Felix as if I had only now really seen him. What he was wanting to do was so profoundly sad, and yet, to love someone so much to allow yourself to be there for them while they dealt with not being loved by someone else. What was that called?

Bravery? True compassion?

"Unconditional love is rare," Jack whispered to both of us, answering my question without realizing it. "You really do love him, don't you?"

"I love him as much as you love Mark, Jack," he answered. "And I don't take what you have lightly at all. I love him enough to lose him, if I have to."

And with that Felix has lost in sobs again, and Jack and I wrapped our arms around him as we all cried together.