Confession #16

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Confession #16: I seriously have no idea why life hates me so much.

I have a lot of things on my mind. I have been actually really depressed today than other days. I feel so small. A one in a million. A person who is buried alive and cannot be heard, so that she is left to die.

Honestly everyone keeps on telling me that it could be worse. Don't I know that? Of course I do. I know other people have it worse and other people have it better. But does your mind think like that constantly? No.

Be happy with what you have? Sure, I'll be happy with being alone, and feeling depressed, and cannot get help.

As much as everyone says to think of the starving children who still have smiles on their faces, you just can't. When was the last time u pulled yourself together with that thought? I am not trying to be selfish, I'm just stating reality.

It's great that they are smiling in front of everyone. To be honest, when people try to make me feel better saying things like that, I feel like I'm weak.

Is it wrong to have depression? Even if I believe that everyone is strong in their own ways, sometimes I feel as if life knocks me down more than it ought to.

See I want to open up. I really do. But the person that everyone will tell me to open up to is my mother. That I cannot do.

Depression is a disgrace. Having a boyfriend is a disgrace. I love her and want to be 100% open to her. But I can't.

I can't let it go.

One thing I can do is try to pull through the narrow cracks that Life has opened.

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