Confession #3

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Confession #3: I get extremely insecure

Ugly. I looked at my outfit in the mirror. That's all I felt. My hair was in two braids. The tips of my hair was touching my shoulder blades. I was wearing a pink ruffled tee from Target, some grey skinny jeans and my mom's puffy white sweater. As I slid my glasses on, I totally felt like an unwanted nerd, or geek.

Sometimes I wished I looked better, prettier, lighter skinned, have my hair perfect, have a perfect smile, and all of that perfectness. As I walked downstairs, in the morning to eat breakfast, I had an argument with my mom. Just seriously. I hate how she doesn't understand my club meetings and thinks that it's going to be okay to just randomly pull me out of that club during our stressful building seasons.

Just the way to start a morning right. Feel insecure, get into an argument with mom, getpulled out of thre robotics team meeting for freaking family matters that I really don't need to be involved in. I just... idk. I seem like I can never stay strong. I'm breaking down slowly.

But anyways, as we go to our family matters stuff no one knows I exist. I tell them things, repeat the same thing over and over again, and after the 600th time, they finally hear me. I guess that's just part of life but I wish it were better. I wish I had an easier life. But then again, I'm better off than a lot of people. So i feel confused. I hate my life, but I shouldn't.

During my high school classes, I wondered. I wondered if there will ever be a guy looking at me thinking "she's beautiful. I may love her" Or people just staring at me admiring my beauty. I want one day to feel beautiful. Not just being called beautiful just looking at the mirror and feel amazingly beautiful.

I really hate myself today and I feel like I wanna die. But I can't. So i'm staying strong and standing tall. Trying to smile as best as I can. Maybe tomorrow I can feel beautiful. GOD DANG IT! I feel so alone at that school, but at the same time, I wanna prove to them that this nerdy girl has power. I don't want anyone to break down my vision and dream of that. No one.

Because if someone shatters that dream, I will be forever cursed into a depthof broken darkness shining light at random, peculiar places. Please, I'm trying to smile.

I can't give up yet, but then why do I feel like giving up?

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