Confession #95

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Confession #96: I've changed

Yeah, hi, I'm still alive guys. It's fall break, so I have some time to write as well as get my homework done ahead of time.

Soo... Senior year. Heh. Been actually very very busy. I just got a job, Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3-6:30ish. That and maintaining physics group drama, three AP classes, two honors, NHS, robotics, as well as Japanese National Honor Society, I'm dead. (Figuratively of course). All of this craziness leads to the sad statement of me not being able to write as much anymore.

There are so many new changes in my life. I've finally been slowly learning to grow up (woMAN up). I don't know if I like these changes even if it means it's right. I'll work hard to keep them though. This year, my senior year, I'm learning the cost of procrastination, the cost of my failures. I think senior year is my changing year. Freshman year was my best year, sophomore year, was my stable year, junior year was my learning year as well as my emotional year and senior year is my changing year.

It actually feels weird to realize that I will be out from high school in may. I actually loved the experience. Also, once senior year is done, I'm going to move on from this diary. I want this diary to be specifically for my high school years. I can always look back on it and read all of the things (silly things) that worried me back then, as well as how I've grown as a person.

I encourage everyone who's reading this, to keep a diary. Just write. Everyone is born a writer. They really are. You just need to pull the words from within yourself. Also, one thing that I've realized is please, don't give a shit about what others think. That has eaten up most of my high school years. I've been known to give a false illusion of confidence that was masked with the biggest insecurities of my entire life. People will always talk, not just in high school.

Anyway, by saying I've changed, I mean I have more priorities to do. I don't want to disappoint my family anymore. I really don't want to disappoint anyone. I'm done. If anything, I want to do the things I want to do. I'm not going to let people stop me.  They can give me advice, but unless they themselves have done the same thing, I'm going to try and see if I can do it for myself.

This year, I want to experiment with different things, have people over, explore everything I want to explore. 

I want to have no regrets doing things, I want to be free and feel free. I shouldn't care what others think, because if I tried my best, that's the thing to be proud of.

Please try to be free. Everyone deserves to be.


Taz xx

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