Confession #55: It is so hard to let go.
2015 ain't starting as awesome as it should be. I have begun to feel upset and depressed.I need to let go of robotics because my brother is getting a job. I feel like I'm contained into this simple little bubble.
I have to let go of robotics because there won't be anyone who would give me a rides or stuff. I can't do anything with staying after school because my parents will be "tired" from work. Funny how they will be tired of work to pick me up from robotics but will never be tired when they want to go shopping.
But anyways it's not like I can do anything, I will be labeled as selfsih.
Truth is, I joined many clubs, to fit in. I have many passions, but no one really clicked with me. Sure I have classmate friends, btu they are just that. Nothing more or nothing less. My parents told me i could move to another school, but the schools I wanted to go to, they didn't want me to go there. I once got accepted into a very private school, but I didn't go because there was no way of standing out and expressing yourself there.
All my life I wanted to be a somebody.
In robotics, I was getting there, so close to becoming a somebody. But now, I just have to be invisible for all of my two years of high school.
People say better things are coming, but when? I have never experienced a really good time.
I feel upsset today because this Saturday we aren't doing anything and my parents said no to a robotics thing. WE AREN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING. EVERYONE IS DOING SOMETHING ELSE.
I hate this. I hate my world.
Why is it that I am considered selfish because I want to continue my passion of robotics. I didn't help with anything at all and I will be pulled out of building season. What's the point in going to competition? Besides it will be awkward going to competition becasue I didn't help much.
I wish there was an alternaticve. But no one will really care me enough to save me, not even my ex who still stares at me very subtley that I soemtiems catch. No one is gonna miss me. I will just be buried among everyone else as they make memories with the team.
If I go to competition they will talk about stuff and their sentences will begin with "remember when" and I just have to sit there and smile and laugh when I wished I was there to witness it.
I wish I never had this passion. This passion is something where I keep on fighting against my family, who hate robotics and driving me to places. If they hated it so much why couldn't they talk to me and let me have my permit early and then get my license so I can drive to different places in different spots for robotics.
But no. Everything has to be the same thing like they did to my brother. Permit at 16 and licence at 18.
GRR. I don't even want to start all over again but I have too.
I might actually start my own youtube channel. I might start applying for jobs so that I can be busy and create a new circle of friends and start a new passion.
Hopefully it won't be cut off like robotics.
I will miss robotics. *sighs* I wish someone would be like NO WE NEED YOU ON OUR TEAM WHAT IFI GAVE YOU A RIDE. No one is gonna say that.
I know noone will.
Because I am a nobody.
YOU ARE READING
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe I'm just Taz. A girl who is...