Confession #94

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Confession #94: I'm nervous for senior year.

I don't know. I just am. It's my last year and I really have to pull my academic weight up. I need to start applying for college. I'm worried for everything. (Yeah I'm a worry wort)

First of all, my class schedule dropped a class that I really wanted. I need to go ask if I can fit it in my schedule. I'm scared that they will be mad. I'm scared that things won't go well.

In my class schedule, there is hardly anyone I know.  So I'm kinda scared because of that.

I just don't know if I can pull through this year, mainly because so much has happened this summer that I have no idea how to deal with. I'm just nervous mainly because I'm the queen of screw ups. 

I don't want to disappoint my parents anymore.

I don't want to disappoint myself anymore.

I don't want to disappoint my friends anymore.

I don't want to lean too much to anyone anymore.

I just kind of want to push people away. Which is a problem. When I open up too much, I get scared that someone is going to use that against me. So I push people away. I just don't know why I'm so anxious.

I just have so much pressure on my back. From college applications to scholarships to clubs and NHS. 

But at the same time I want to let my hair down and enjoy the ride. 

I just don't know why I'm so nervous and anxious. 

I have a new counselor for senior year because my old one retired. So now I'm even more nervous to change my schedule.

Registration is tomorrow. I'm scared. 

It's another year. I'm excited but the future is unknown. This unknown is scaring me shitless. 

I've always felt foreign at this school, always semi there but not fully there. So I have no idea. 

I just have no idea.

I

JUST

DON'T 

KNOW.

But I'm going to move on forward anyway.

Love,

Taz xx          

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