Confession #38: Sometimes I lose all of my inspiration, my passion, and my love.
Today is just one of those days. It started off pretty okay but ended off to be horrible. No, nothing bad happened. No family mishaps, or arguments. However, I am kicking myself down. I have been feeling down, depressed, and upset for no reason, constantly want to be left alone. But of course, my family won't leave me alone. They call me "weird" for not being part of the family and hanging out with them. Even if I do say I feel upset, they will approach me the wrong way, which in any case, is not their fault. They will push me and prod me and Jello, like I am, I will just melt into a puddle of gooeyness and snap.
When I am upset and tell you that I want to be left alone, please leave me be. Unless you are one of my most trusted friends and have seen me break down before. Which is like one or two people. Anyways, speaking of breakdowns, I was in my room last night, my parents sleeping downstairs, my brother already asleep, and that's when I broke down. Failure Failure Failure. Was all I thought. I wasn't feeling like I was made up with matter, I felt like I was invisible, unspoken, tied.
I never felt so claustrophobic my whole life.
So like normal, and as pathetic as I thought of myself to be, I let my tears engulf me, and let myself drown in my own pain. Little sobs escaped my little chest, that had a little heart, that was beating with little beats.
After that, I went to bed. In the morning I was fine, my normal hyper self, yeah I had a few minor arguments with my mom, but I brushed it off before my anger licked tha small spark of rage. After that, I went to my neighbor's house as they were going on a long plane journey with a few stops in the way to Asia. We spent a good one hour and a half there. They finally said their final goodbyes, and we waved them off as they drove off in their SUV filled with luggage in the trunk.
After that, I hung out with my mother's tablet, watching some videos, (Bethany Mota's to be exact) and that is when my day just dropped. I wasn't happy with myself. I was restless, in the computer than out then in again, getting stressed at all the things I have to do. I feel sick and I just cannot bring myself to eat.
So now I'm still moping around, feeling like I shouldn't exist or do anything. I have many other tasks to do. Maybe I will just lay low on the computer for now.
Sorry just feeling low and down all of a sudden.
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"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe I'm just Taz. A girl who is...