Confession #74

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Confession #74: I'm always frustrated


I'm frustrated

I'm frustrated because I can't keep my grades up

I can't focus

I can't breathe

My heart's beating out of my chest

I can't think

The monster inside me is awakening more often

I can't impress my mom

People are ashamed of me.

They are judging me.

I try so hard and I fail.

I try to change but I just can't.

I self harmed

I'M

JUST

NOT

GOOD

ENOUGH.

uglyterribleselfishnogooddon'tmakesensetiredofrelapsing

No matter what I do I'M TRYING. I'M WORKING AND FALLING APART WORKING AND FALLING APART AND I'M FRUSTRATED THAT NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT.

Tears

keep

on

falling

I

keep

on

erasing.

The past keeps on being reminded.

At this point, I wouldn't mind death. Many nights my eyes have been wide open thinking about the ecstasy of going downstairs and swallowing my ticket to death.

But i'm fighting. I'm fighting the thoughts in my head and it's draining me.

I'm tired.

I want to give up.

I wish I could sleep forever and stay in my room.

I'm fighting so hard, I zone out all the time.

I"m working so hard to focus on my grades, that I zone out on my chores.

I"m beyond stressed.

I want everyone to shut up and to stop moving because my world is dizzy.

My world is dizzy, and out of orbit.

I'm fighting, but I think I might be falling.

Hands grasping my heart, pulling me down to the beautiful depths of darkness.

Lights are turning on and off.

I'm fighting.

I'm frustrated.


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