Confession #46

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Confession #46: I hate how the little things worry me. How the little things push me back down from my balance.

Screw Homework. I have more shit to think about than that. I wish I could hang out with my friends, I mean I know that Facebook is just another excuse of showing everyone how your life is amazing and all that crap.

But honestly, I really feel like I wish my mother could let me out of my shell. I want to be free. I want to smile and laugh with my friends. I know my connection with my parents aren't that great, but honestly I don't feel like they give me that comfortable nature to do so.

I told you many times before how I think differently. And I do. I like to keep things in, that's the only way I feel controlled and independent. I hate how everyone compares me to so many other girls and to my brother. He is 22 and he is a male. How do you compare a female to a male?

Everytime my mom tells me and criticizes me about everything and tells my brother "No, you weren't like this. You were so open, you still are."

Well mother. If you asked me how was your day, or even said that "hey we can work on this quiz grade, I believe in you" instead of saying "eh" or "you could do better"

MAN I JUST WANT ONE FUCKING PERSON WHO IS PROUD OF ME. JUST ONE IS THAT TOO MUCH?

No matter how hard I try at being positive it is not fucking working. 

My brain just is stuck in pain mode.

My brain keeps on not wanting to move on

FUCK YOU BRAIN.

I wish I could get replaced. 

This brain is fucking me up too much.

I'm tired

i'm stressed

and I wish I had my self confidence days back into me again. I wish I could have a great bunch of friends.

Well I guess I have to continue to pray and attempt at following all of my mom's expectations and needs and wants.

I mean it's up until 18 and even a little more before I get full control of my life instead of them controlling and deciding mine.

I should appreciate the freedom that they have given to me before I ask more.

Needed that out of my system. I love you all <3

Back to homework I go :(

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