Confession #42

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Confession #42: I am utterly alone.

I have homework but I need to let go of my emotions. I'm skipping today's NaNoWriMo 2,000 word writing goal to just let everything go.

You know what I just realized? The lack of good friends. All the people I have met so far, have either changed or met a person closer to them than me, better than me. 

Let's face it. I'm fucking different. And that is just fucking destroying my life.

I could talk to millions of people in school, but there won't be NO FUCKING ONE that would willingly with open arms embrace me. They won't stay the whole day with me.

There's a difference between knowing people and being friends with them.

For me, I only know people, I only talk to people. But then, I just want a friend. Just someone I can talk to and have fun with. Someone I can smile with and share memories with.

I wanted a group of friends that stuck with me for the whole four years of hs like everyone has been doing. But instead, I have no one.

I am social, it's not that I'm not. I love going to parties, putting smiles on people's faces, I love talking to new people. But people get bored with me ASAP. That's when I cling to a piece of thread.

This why I wished I had "him" back. Because when I had him, people actually TALKED to me. I wasn't as lonely as I am now.

Truth is, people forget about me.

For me, I remember every single person that I have ever talked to.

Outside of school, I am social pretty and confident. At school I'm still the same, but no one views me that way. So i'm not like that in school anymore. I try really hard to be.

I'm pushing through it guys, I may be crying more often than not. But i'm going to stay strong for you guys.

I'll stay strong for myself. Because I am amazing.... I think.

<3 Love to all the people fighting this bitch of a war called life.<3

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