Confession #67: I think I might have to change for the better and change scares me.
What if it all goes wrong? What if my commitments don't last? I don't know anything. To confess to ya'all, I'm a liar. And because of that, my trust for my parents have been lost, demolished, gone. I know that trust can get gained back, but it takes forever to get it back. It's like searching for something that has been lost for a while and you can't find it for years. I know that I still have a lot of years to go and if I start now, I can gradually exceed to gain my trust.
I've been struggling with change. I have always started but I have never gotten anywhere. Most of the times I just lost inspiration or willpower. I'm going to try again it's going to scare the shit out of me.
My math grade is dwindling. It's a 71.66% I need to bump it up to a 79.49%. That is 8 points. I don't know how I will do this. I was supposed to retake a test today, but I'm sick. Like really sick. I have a virus in my body. I have been sick since Thursday. Today is Monday and I'm at home, recovering. My parents sent an email stating if I can retake the test sometime this week. He hasn't replied. My parents are also going to be calling my math teacher as well. He is such a fucking moody teacher. I hate him. I wish he wasn't so moody.
I'm trying so hard and I hate how my parents are blaming robotics affecting my grade. It isn't. It's the things that are happening at my house and all they yelling and pressure and stress that has been causing my grades to dwindle. I have all A's but one C. I'm working so hard. I wish my parents would understand how hard it is to bump up a grade.
*Sighs* You know what? I'm going to try my best. I'm going to chug through this. I'm going to pull it together. Right now (in about 20-30 min) i'm going to go to the Doctor. I'm going to wash my face, put on some lip balm eat something and get medication. I will take the medication and get better. I will then go to school tomorrow. I WILL RETAKE THE TEST. I WILL TAKE THE PROBABILITY TEST AND ACE IT. I AM GOING TO USE THIS DAY TO ORGANIZE MY SHIT TOGETHER.
I will get everything done tonight. I will fight through and wake up tomorrow ready for the day. I will clean my room today and organize my life. It's time for me to put my game face on. I will get through it. <3
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"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe I'm just Taz. A girl who is...