Confession #83

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Confession #83: I'm getting there

Okay, I know I've been inactive for a while on Wattpad. Frankly it's been stressful. I'm a junior in high school now, 16, almost 17, with a shit load of responsibilities. I am on winter break and although it has been nice taking a break from school life, it's been hard to take a break from life altogether. I have been depressed for a bit. And I have done A LOT of thinking...

I have so many things left to do and this is the last week of break. I'm getting overwhelmed. I was so stressed (still am xD) I have many winter break goals that have been left untouched...

Things like:

Organize AP US History notes

Read my AP US History chapters (read ahead)

Study for my permit test (and take it this week)

Organize my binders for school

There is more but I can't type them out. I'm so stressed lol. But I eventually learned a lot during this winter break. One of the things is, I need to stop worrying about everything. I really do. 

Because I worry too much and that triggers a whole whirlwind of stress and problems. I should prioritize my worries. I should spend worrying and taking care of my family and my friends instead of my education.

Because in education, what really matters is your mindset. It is NOT about how smart you are. If you work hard and you set your goals straight, you are able to soar through obstacles.

I have cried so much this year xD I hope there are less tears in the next one. I mean life will be a bitch and it will knock you down to the point where you are on the floor wheezing, trying not to puke and tears are coming out of your eyes. I just hope I will have the capability to get up faster, kick life's ass and be okay with it.

A new year is approaching. Probably all of you are going to groan when I talk about the "new year new me bullshit"

But honestly, is it really bullshit? I mean you don't know whether the person has undergone significant jerking moments in their life. You don't know if they got the biggest wake-up call in 2015 and are ready to change in 2016?

People can change. Those people are the strongest and the bravest ones. But that doesn't mean the people who are afraid of change or all frustrated and cry all the time the weakest ones. 

I believe everyone is strong in their own unique way and it shows when they are at their absolute worst. And that strength is amazingly beautiful.

I'm getting stronger.

I'm getting there.

I hope I can make it in time.

Right now I am so stressed, it feels like someone is squeezing my lungs to the point where I can barely breathe.

But I need to be strong, I need to hang in there, and I need to fix things.

And I'm scared that my strength will be too late. I'm scared that I'll fall apart again waiting for that strength to come up again and embrace me with warm hands.

On a completely random note: I kinda craving for a boyfriend xD 

NO, I'm not some thristy whore or hoe, I just wanta good boyfriend xD

But i'm not being that desperate, it's just a thought I have 

It's my fault for watching cute romance animes xD

The last anime I watched was Kaichou wa Maid-Sama and I have been recovering from intense feels. LIKE SERIOUSLY THEY ARE SO ADORABLE #OTP

Okay, I need to go and be responsible...

Wish me luck peeps.


Taz xx

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