Confession #43: I want to be a leader, but I wasn't born to be a leader.
Why does everyone treat me so differently, so seriously? Why do they sensor their bad words and try to be nicer, and more awkwardly formal to me than to their friends? I'm a high schooler like you guys. Can we just talk normal? Can you just be normal?
Today we had an exec meeting today. I didn't have anything to add. I'm literally feeling like a number. I'm just a number at this school. I'm just a number in the exectuvie team. I'M JUST A FUCKING NUMBER. NOT EVEN A HUMAN.
I'm a number in my family. My mom tells me that she can't trust me because I'm not as open to her as my brother is to her. Well I"m sorry mother. Maybe if you hadn't judged me, pressured me, pushed me, when I was already down, then maybe I would have been open to you.
The thing is, I'm tired of keeping it in. I wanna let it out. I want to lean on to someone. I want warm arms around me and someone nuzzling against my neck, just telling me I'm okay.
All this time, I've been quiet as a mental battle is fiercely playing inside my mind. I struggle and fall, struggle and fall.
I really wanna be a role model. Sometimes I feel as if I'm worth living. I want to know how many people have been touched by me.
That encourages me to live and tells me that I'm worth it.
I don't know. I want love. I'm tired of crying, i'm tired of resisting the urge to cut, i'm tired of fighting.
But in the end it's worth it....
YOU ARE READING
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe I'm just Taz. A girl who is...