Confession #28

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Confession #28: I have such a big mouth.

This is going to be long, just warning you. Sorry for not being on Wattpad for a long time, I was busy, stressed, and I screwed up my life again. I have many things that are on my chest. They are just sucking on my happiness, like leeches, as if they will suck the life out of me. Anyways, let me tell you how stressed I was.

I have had like a constant 5 quizzes this week, and last week, and I have been stressing out in all of those quizzes. On top of that, me being a sophmore, we have a PSAT test coming up on october and I scheduled to have a practice test. So I need to study for that. I have thre big tests next week and I just am on wattpad to relax for a bit. I have been staying up late everyday, stressed and tired. I am yawning right now. That's how tired I am, but I am going to stay up until I drop so I can finish most of my homework tonight.

However, here is what made my days crappy. I have to encounter my ex almost everyday. We are both ignoring each other. I don't even want to talk to him. Or even text me. It's kinda because I am ashamed at bashing at him. I kinda ranted to him everything that was wrong with him, due to the stress and my mother was yelling at me and examining my every move. But still, my pressure of emotions shouldn't justify my action that I made towards him. I apologized and he accepted. That's what I loved about him. He never let anyone bring him down. He was like a solid brick wall, while I was jello, when people prodded at me toomuch, I would just collapse. Words can't explain how big of a regret I feel bashing those hurtful words at him.

Don't ask me what I wrote.

It's stuff that are bad. I know that I shouldn't even open up to people.

What good is it to open up to people when they either leave you, break you, or just watches standby?

I should have never even opened up to wattpad.

What if someone from real life read how I feel about the world?

One part of me is nagging me to take this down, because I don't want people to judge on my stupid actions, or how bad of a religious person I am.

But then I come across another thought:

What if someone is going through the same thing I am/was going through? What if that person was a silent reader and he/she just read at my persistency and continued on with her life? When they had a nagging voice inside of them telling them to die?

I AM TIED.

This book has the most reads than any other of my books. I know there are readers for this book. So I guess I will keep it.

Well you can tell how scattered my mind is because I started telling you about how I messed up my "friendship" with my ex then ended up talking about this book. wow.

Anyways, no one really knows what I did and said to him. I'm planning to keep it that way. I'm smiling as much as I can, and using websites such as the quite place project, to pour out my pain.

My best friend moved to North Dakota before I can even have the chance to hang out with him. So I really miss him. He was the only one who would stay up until he fell asleep and talk to me. Especially when I was hurting. A lot. He picked me up when I fell down.

As for school, it's going okay. I mean my math teacher doesn't really like me. So I don't know what to do about that. I'm trying to kill him with kindness xD But that might not work out as well as I plan to.

I'm kinda getting popular in school. I get to say hi to a lot of people. I"m not quite sure of I want that or not.

One good thing about this Friday is that I was feeling happy and confident. My hair was down and I smiled, and made sure I looked presentable to people. I actually felt pretty

That was a plus point.

My mind is scattered to day so idk how to end this...

um

bye?

that 

sounds rude. How about?

I

LOVE

YOU 

ALL 

THANKS FOR READING THIS

AND MY MIND IS SCATTERED RN

I HOPE YOU ALL ARE HAVING AN AMAZING DAY.

<3

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