Confession #97

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Confession #97: I don't know how to deal with failure

I know it's been a while since I've been writing into this journal, but it's been a hard month for me to deal with. All of these insecurities pile up on me. I failed most of my finals, and I'm just sitting here, just kinda stuck.

How do I pick myself up? I've been working so hard towards a goals that I just can't reach. There's always something that happens that makes me be just shy of my desired goal, is kinda painful. Well not kinda, very haha. I know I will be fine. I know that I will be able to pick myself up. I think I will disconnect myself from my phone, not talk to people unless I absolutely have to, and let myself grieve and take care of myself.

I honestly thought I was over this failure, but I guess I'm not. I mean it is so hard to hate yourself and disappoint your parents at the same time. It sucks so much knowing that the parents who have worked so hard to provide everything just so that you can have a better future are not seeing the fullest potential in you. It hurts, and it can easily be one of the worst feelings in the world. It sucks to see the darkness for so long that when someone turns on the light, you recoil, not accepting it at first.

I know I will get through this, somehow, I just thought I would be able to lock these emotions for a while as I progress through my winter break. But I guess that was wrong.  So I'll disconnect myself from the world and let myself be engulfed by these tears, by my failures, by my mistakes, and allow myself to grow. I will also try to tackle my mental health and insecurities. I will make sure to take care of myself, by myself. I think that's what's best for me.

Peace out everyone,

Love,

Taz xx

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