Sarah Montana Living In The Boys' Dorm

Ch 93. Forgive Me

Dedicated to one of my lovely fans camrytheawesome! :) Here ya go! :)

__________________

My knees were red, streaming blood out of the wound. My legs just couldn't keep me up. Nothing could keep me up. I was fake. Nina's words was right. I was no one. I've fallen so deep into the identities that my own identity disappeared. I couldn't even hear Emíne's words when she shouted, shaking me. I could see her doing everything, but nothing my ears heard fit in with what should had come out of her mouth.

I am depending on him too much. Everytime something bad happened I thought that he'd come. But of course not. And now that I finally realise it, it feels like needles slowly being pushed into my heart. I can't believe that I was this selfish. I couldn't even do anything by myself.

I needed to come back to my senses. I didn't have time to push me down deeper than I already was. That'd just make it worse. I concentrated on Emíne, and eventually - I could hear her.

"Are you okay?!" she shouted, with eyes full of tears. I nodded.

"I'm okay." I assured her and stood up. "Let's go to the airport."

¤¤¤

"Where do you want to go?" I asked Emíne. The tension in the air was still as big. But this was Emíne, so of course she managed to lighten it up.

"You did mention Asia right? How about Japan, since I went there some months ago? I'm familiar with it so it should be fine right?"

I gave her a plain nod and gave the woman my pass, ordering a ticket.

When I thought about it, it was my first time going overseas, and going somewhere by plane. I thought that the first time I'd be able to go is when I have a big family with a stable economy, not that I don't have a stable economy now. I just thought it would be a happy experience, but seeing it now you could clearly see that the reasons of going has nothing to do with something happy.

"Stop being so gloomy!" Emíne attempted a cheer up when we entered the plane. I was so much more depressed when I passed the checkup and had to take off my glasses. Luckily, no one noticed as I was looking down all the time and hiding my eyes whenever I got the chance.

"I just lost everything." I mumbled. My fans. My home. My friends. And Darrén. I only had Emíne and Ambreal left. Not that I'm unhappy with them. But Darrén. That he'd turn his back to me. I couldn't cheer up no matter how many times I tried; everytime I was at the last stage of cheering up I'd see his back turn around which brought my eyes into tears.

"No you haven't! You have me."

I wanted to stop being all depressed, even if it was true - but it was no use.

¤¤¤

"Wake up!"

It'd be better if I stayed there and just died. I was just running away. But it did feel good because it was like pausing and doing something in middle of the bad things. I didn't want to know how the media will react even if I already did know, but most of all - I didn't want to know my friends reaction. They'd hate me. But to be true, I was only scared of Darrén's reaction.

I opened my eyes and decided to stop thinking about those depressing thoughts, just to stop myself from crying in the middle of the plane ride. I saw Emíne's happy face and looked out the window. We had landed.

I got out from the airport looking around like a tourist. God it was beautiful. And hot. I couldn't stand wearing this wig.

"Off with the disguise." Emíne pulled the wig off and put it inside my bag. "Not many from Japan listen to american music, so they won't recognise you."