Sarah Montana Living In The Boys' Dorm

Ch 80. The Art Of Losing And Accepting

New cover by me!

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I was crying. Crying until there were no tears left. Until my voice cracked up, not letting out any sound. I could feel people's presence outside the closed door. Doctors walking back and forth and Ambreal and Darrén's guarding presence waiting for me to stop crying.

"Are you okay?" Darrén asked when he opened the door after I couldn't cry anymore.

No I'm not. My brother just died. 

My heart couldn't stop hurting. It was hurting like hell and it was so different compared to the pain it gets when I am with Darrén. This pain was unbearable and the pain I experience with Darrén makes me happy and it feels good in a weird way.

"Krystal..." he said and reached for my cheek but I turned away.

"How did I survive if he didn't?"

He looked at Ambreal before answering. "I went in for you."

"I'm thankful for you saving me, seeing that I don't even have a scratch anywhere but couldn't save Chris?" I said without any emotion showing on my face even though there were so many inside of me trying to get out.

"I looked everywhere for him. I couldn't find him. But the bathroom was locked and I didn't have any time, I couldn't even breath..."

"Why didn't you save Chris?!" I cried.

I sounded so selfish. I couldn't believe what I had turned into. I was a selfish bitch that was mad at this guy that saved my life. But my thought wasn't really that he didn't want to save Chris or that it's his fault that Chris died, it's rather that along the way he saved me why not Chris too?

"If I stayed any longer in there we'd both die!"

"But Chris died! And I'll join him soon." I yelled. I wanted to get out of here but I was still handcuffed. I am really at the limit right now and I even considered breaking my thumbs for a second even though Ambreal told me it was something they just made up.

Chris is my other half. I won't accept it. I don't care - I have always wanted to die before him. He's going to stay on earth longer than me.

"Just fucking accept it!" Ambreal shouted through the whole hospital. It surprised me to hear that Ambreal would swear. But now is not the time to be thinking about that.

"You don't know what I'm going through!"

"But it's not going to help by not accepting it." she said with a glare that I've never seen. "Just stop whining. Do you think he'll be happy about it?"

"No but am I happy?!"

"Clearly not. But stop whining do it for Chris." she said.

My heart kind of cracked up when I heard his name. How she easily said his name carefree like that. How she could talk about him without even getting tears in her eyes. Or feeling the pain that I have in my chest just by hearing it.

"Don't talk about him as you want like that!" I muttered. She didn't seem to hear it so I screamed it out loud and even saw birds flying from the window. She was stunned by my sudden anger.

I desperately tried to get out of the handcuffs. I pulled harder everytime but my wrist just got damaged by it. I didn't care because I couldn't feel anything except of the pain in my heart. They just watched me with pity. Suddenly, the bed broke and I was free. I ran off with the big wood piece after me and I was glad that they were too slow for me.

Even some nurses and doctors ran after me but I was too fast for those slow guys. I wouldn't let anyone get near me. I just wanted to be alone.

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