Who do you Love? | Joey Graceffa&Sawyer Hartman

Chapter 48: Never be okay.

Joey: You're the one that hung up on me.

I was shocked. I wasn't expecting Joey to call me back or even call at all!

Mariella: Right. Sorry.

Joey: Why did you hang up anyway?

I don't think I should say anything about mine and Meghan's conversation.

Mariella: Uhh.. I got nervous.

The phone went silent. He doesn't believe me.

Joey: Well, what did you want to say before?

This is it. It seems like he's willing to hear me out. This could be my only chance to make things better.

Mariella: I wanted to apologize..

Even though I deserve the apology. No response. I continue.

Mariella: I was never on anyone's side. I tried my hardest to convince Sawyer to let you move back into the apartment. I know you're a trustworthy person and a great friend. No matter what Sawyer says now. I know you were just looking out for me and I appreciate that. I just want everything to be okay between us. I don't like not talking to you.

I bit down on my thumb nail, anticipating a reply.

Joey: I believe you. But, I know you're with Sawyer now.

I quickly retort.

Mariella: It's not even like that!

Joey: You love him, don't you?

I pause.

Mariella: I do.. But, it's complicated! We're not a couple. We just have mutual feelings towards one another.

Joey: You never had feelings for him until after I asked you to talk to him..

Mariella: That's not true!

I had mixed emotions towards Sawyer AND Joey. I can't help how my feelings varied and how things ended up?! I was getting annoyed.

Mariella: How can you say that to me when all of a sudden you start dating Meghan after you get kicked out?!

Joey: I care about Meghan! I've known her much longer than you've know Sawyer?!

Mariella: That doesn't matter! Caring and loving someone is two different things. Do you even love her at all?!

Joey: I'll learn to love her..

"Learn"?

Mariella: You can't do that! You're just leading her on?!

Joey: You don't know anything!!

Mariella: I know that what you're doing is wrong! She really loves you, Joey..

She may be acting differently towards me now, but I don't like to see anyone hurt. She's a person who has feelings and I wouldn't like someone doing that to me. He groans, sighing.

Joey: I know she does.

Mariella: Then, why are you doing this to her?

Joey: Like I said, in time I will learn to love her and that's it.

Mariella: I know, you know this is wrong Joey. You would never do this to someone you truly cared about.

Joey: Then, I guess you don't really know me..

I was quiet. He was right. I knew so little about him. All I know, is what I've seen on his YouTube videos. I don't know the 'real' Joey.

Mariella: Than tell me what you want me to know.

Silence.

Mariella: Joey, please talk to me. I don't understand how you're feeling.

Joey: You'll never know! I've had a hard life and nobody will ever understand how that affected me! I've always been brushed aside. As long as I've known Sawyer it's always been about him! He gets what he wants and doesn't have to lift a finger. The one time I do something right for him, instead of fucking it up himself, I get screwed over!

Mariella: I won't brush you aside..

Joey: You already have!

Why is he so stubborn?

Mariella: Joey, this is all I'm going to say. If you don't give me a chance to understand and see things through your eyes, I'll never get to know the real you. I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm sorry about everything that's gone on. I can't help what happened in the past, but I can prevent anything from happening in the future if you just let me into your world. I don't know how you feel about Meghan, but if you can't love yourself than you'll never learn to love anyone. I just called to make amends and hope that we can go back to the way things were.

Silence once again. I frown. I want to get through to him, but I don't know how. I hear low sniffles.

Mariella: Joey, are you alright?

Nothing.

Mariella: Joey? Hello?

The line cuts off. I end the call, thinking back to what he said. His words echo through my head.

-Joey: I've always been brushed aside. You'll never know.. Nobody will ever understand how that affected me. I do one thing right and I get screwed over! You already have.. You don't know anything!-

I had an overwhelming sensation to cry, so I did. The tears fell and I didn't know why. The only person who should be crying is him. Not me. I felt bad for Joey. He just seemed confused and sad. Maybe even depressed. I don't think he's ever talked about his personal life to anyone. At least, that's what it sounded like. He must hold a lot inside. I must've pushed him to his limit.

I'm such an idiot.

I wanted to call back, but didn't have the courage too. My phone immediately goes off. A text.

[Meghan]- I told you to stay away from Joey! What the hell didn't you understand?! How could you do this to him? All you're doing is making him feel like shit! I'm the only one that can comfort him. He doesn't need you or want you in his life! I hope you hurt just as much as he does. I'll make sure it happens! Don't come near us at Vidcon or you'll regret it!

We'll never be okay. She's right. Maybe, it's better if I'm not in his life.