Alrighty my little addicted!
Last chapter was a real emotional one, now wasn't it? ;P Blake is touched by all the support!! ;P [group hug]
So anyway, here's the new chapter! You're lucky! For some reason *curses and mumbles profanities while pointing a finger at the person at fault, like the Evil Monkey* I didn't go out tonight and stayed home and was able to finish it... it's short but you gotta understand it's hard to write the right stuff ya know?
Okay, so before you read on, let's just clear something (as always ;P) I know you guys want them to kiss, I know you guys want them to have hot monkey sex in the cemetery and in the process show complete disrespect to the dead under ;P BUT... sit on ice guys... ain't happening!!! ;P
No but seriously... you have to understand that technically, it hasn't even been 3 weeks yet! And I still have material to write for 8 WEEKS!!! So I will still torture you guys for a while! Now I'm not saying you'll have to wait the 8 weeks to "get some" ;P but I'm saying I'm not rushing things, even if that means I'm REALLY not rushing them! Blake has a low self-esteem, and you might understand why it could be hard for him to express his "feeling" if you read his POV (called "The Smirking Jerk", it's on my page guys, go read if you wanna know!) and well Lexi has a hard time believing Blake could actually kinda like her, since her only boyfriend sorta end up to be gay! SO, with that said, if you guys can't wait to have some, I'm sorry... I really am... but patience is a virtue... and I'm evil! And I'm not forcing you to read this... And I mean we're building a relationship here guys, a strong one, one who's based on more than just physical gratification! ;P LOL
Okay... so... I think that's it for now...
Read, enjoy, vote and comment!! :D
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"You really believe that?" Blake whispered, snorting a little, and closed his eyes again turning his head away.
The scene was still eerie... the dark cemetery, the big white tomb beside us, perfectly cut grass, the hundred of stones aligned one beside the other, a loved one buried under each... Blake that seemed in pain, but was still undeniably beautiful, the tiny amount of light reflecting on his skin, making him almost look dead, or like one of the stones, lying there on the grass... if it hadn't been for his steady breathing and warm hand I was now holding, I could have easily believed he was dead, or wasn't real...
Still staring at him, I answered, whispering too "Yes, I do believe it's not your fault. Do you really want us to go all the way up to whose fault it should be before your own? You couldn't have done anything! It wasn't your fault; you had no control over any of it!"
"I could have NOT asked to go to the exposition..." Blake said, eyes still closed.
"And the driver could have not been drinking, and your brother could have not gone back for the driver, but that was just who he was, and that's just who you were..."
"Still my fault..." he breathed.
"You can't blame yourself over this forever Blake..." I whispered and held his hand tighter again "When people die you shouldn't try to put the blame on everyone... you should just remember them, and try to honour their memories as much as you can... and then you go on with your life and try to find happiness... even if it's without them"
For a few seconds, the only sound came from the wind against the grass, and an owl calling in the distance.
"Comforting me wasn't in your job description Pumpkin... you don't need to do it, you know..." Blake said, his voice still low.
It seemed like it was the way we were supposed to talk, in whispers, to not wake the dead, or disturb them... reflex action, just like when you walk into a library.
"It's in the friend's description though..." I answered him, still looking at his face.
"Trying your shrink skills on me?" he said and opened his eyes, staring back at me, a faint smile playing on his lips.
"Don't want to be a shrink... I'm too out of it..." I snorted.
God I would make such a bad shrink... so freaking unobservant...
"Then what do you want to be when you're older" Blake said, in like the little school teacher's voice, a little mockingly, the smile slowly getting into a smirk.
Blake's smirk.
And for some reason, I knew, that even though he was still sad, of course he was... he wasn't SO sad anymore...
"An astronaut!!" I exclaimed, laughing a little.
"Lame" Blake said, shaking his head in disapprobation.
"Oh ya? What about you?" I chuckled.
"Waitress taster at Hooter" he smirked, clearly now.
I closed my eyes, shaking my head a bit and laughed in silence.
Still sad, he managed to be an idiot...
"Honestly" I asked.
"Honestly? I have no freaking clue? What about you?"
I sighed "Me neither..."
We were both silent, and then Blake laughed "Don't worry, you can always try at Hooter, I'll let you pass the tasting test!"
"Yuck Blake!" I gagged, making a disgusted face.
Blake laughed a little, and then his eyes fell on our hands, my hands still holding his tightly.
"It's a good thing your nails aren't super sharp Pumpkin, otherwise I'd be pretty right hurt now" he smirked a little.
I loosen my grip, but he didn't let go, just took my hand in his, looking at it.
"You've been biting your nails again" he snorted.
I frowned "How is it, you pick up on little things like that and not me?"
"What do you want me to say, I'm observant, unlike you, plus your fingers are practically bleeding, you know that's call cannibalism right?"
"Gross!" I said, and shook my head.
"Totally"
"You're trying to change the subject aren't you?"
"Well you think it's not my fault, I think it's my fault. We're at an impasse Pumpkin..." Blake whispered, playing with my fingers.
"Your brother wouldn't want you to think that way. Your brother wouldn't want you to be sad and feeling guilty... from what I've heard about him so far, I know he wouldn't..."
Blake breathed deeply, closed his eyes and then opened them again.
"There's nothing logical about the whole death deal you know... just take Josh... when he talks about his mom, it's like it doesn't even matter to him. But then you come here. You go to his mother stone and you see flowers. The flowers he brings every week. New ones. He never misses a week. If he's out of town, he'll get someone to change them for him... He acts like he doesn't care but he does... I'd like to feel like I didn't kill my brother, but I did..."
"You didn't Blake!"
"Maybe I wasn't the drunken guy who crashed in his car! But I might as well have! You know, I got in a DUI accident too!! I'm just as bad as the guy! I'm just like him, and I made Jay get in the car. It's because of me he was in it! And it could have kill someone like the guy! So it might as well have been me! So either way it's all my fault!"
"You're too stubborn for your own good Blake... It wasn't your fault you couldn't have known..." I whispered to him.
"You see those stars over there" Blake said, pointing to bright stars close to the horizon, in an S shape "It's the Scorpius constellation. Scorpions had a really nice reputation in the Greek mythology, sarcasm by the way. There's one story that says that Orion ran away from the scorpions by swimming across the sea and to the island of Deslos to see his lover, Artemis. Apollo who wanted to punish Artemis joined her and challenged her hunting skills, daring her to shoot the back dot that approached in the water. Artemis won the challenge... and killed her lover by doing so... doesn't matter that she didn't know it was him... she still killed him. Doesn't matter I couldn't have known... I still killed him"
"It's just the way you see it, Blake. It not necessarily the truth..." I whispered to him, looking at my hand that Blake still held, running his thumb inside my palm.
"But does it matter? Look at those" Blake whispered and then pointed to another place in the sky, to brighter lights, ones aligned almost like a diamond and then a little line, above our heads, and I lay down beside him to see them more clearly "It's Aquila's constellation, the celestial eagle. He was Zeus' servant, holding his thunderbolts and running his errands. But he could also be the great eagle who devoured Prometheus' liver as a punishment for giving the humans' fire. Two really different stories. One constellation. Who cares what the truth is, in one he's a wuss, in the other he's an ass, either way he sucks."
"Like to use constellations to prove your point Blakey-boy" I whispered, moving a little to the left to hit his shoulder with my own.
"Makes me sound intelligent... and cute" Blake answered, turning his head to look at me, a faint smile appearing again.
I smiled too.
And then I intertwined our fingers together and still looking in his eyes I said "Your brother loved you Blake. And you loved him, and he knew about it, and even if it was your fault he would forgive you... I would forgive Ty if it was me... but it wasn't your fault... and you should try to forgive yourself now, because if you don't you'll only get sadder... and your brother wouldn't want that..."
Blake turned his head and looked at the sky, before closing his eyes and resting our hands on his stomach, rising with his steady intake of breath.
"You'd make a good lawyer..."
"My mom was a lawyer..." I snorted a little.
Blake turned his head, opening his eyes again "And when did YOU stop blaming yourself for her, leaving your family?"
How easily did he see through me...
"I guess I have now... I had no power over anything, like you... but can't really compare that to your brother's death... your brother's death was more painful..."
"In every sense of the word..." he whispered back, looking away again.
I leaned my head closer to his shoulder "I'm sorry Blake, sorry you had to loose your brother, sorry you had to blame yourself for it, sorry that it still hurts you so much... and I know you can't change how you feel with the snap of your fingers but it really isn't your fault."
For another few seconds, we were silent.
"I really sound like a wuss, don't I?" Blake finally snorted.
"No you don't. You sound like someone who's been hurt, like someone who went through something really heartbreaking and painful... you sound like someone who lost his brother..."
"You're just biased because you like my hot body"
I did like his hot body, but that was so not the point right now...
"Not true, I'm just being honest Blake"
"Easy for you to say..." he mumbled, still playing with my hand, turning it on his own.
"You just don't like to admit I'm right... I mean, I'm making sense aren't I?" I told him, giving a little shove of the shoulder again.
"I'm not admitting anything Pooky" Blake answered, smirking a little, while looking at me, both our heads turned to the side.
"I'm gonna let that one pass... but don't you think I'm letting you call me that!" I informed him, half-smiling.
Blake chuckled "And you say I'm the one being stubborn..."
I just shock my head and then looked up in the sky, staring at the stars. If a shooting one passed right now what would I wish for? I had no freaking clue what I wanted right now... and it scared me a little...
"You should go back, your dad is bound to worry if you don't get home" Blake said, interrupting my thinking.
"What time is it?" I frowned.
"Well technically we're Monday morning right now..." Blake trailed.
"Oh crap!" I exclaimed, my eyes bulging.
"Yes, crap indeed..." Blake said and then sat up "Come on, let's go"
I sighed, and got up with him, still holding his hand, but then let go of it when we were both on our feet. But I could still feel the warmth of his hand in my own.
I followed Blake towards the fence, balling up my fists and shoving them in my hoodie pockets but the little tingling feeling in the tips of my fingers wouldn't go away.
What the hell?
Blake was silent, but just the way he walked around the stones and headed straight to a specific point, the fence, which I honestly had no clue anymore where I was supposed to go, made me frown.
He knew his way around the cemetery.
"So Blake, you come often here?" I asked raising my eyebrows.
I would have liked to raise just one, but that was something my facial muscle just couldn't do... Such a shame...
"Cemeteries are the best place to watch stars, it's so dark... and I don't know... there's something about all the people buried here... everyone of them were loved by someone... there's a strange feeling about it... knowing you're not the only one who lost someone you loved..." Blake trailed, his voice getting lower and lower and I had a hard time picking up on every one of them.
I just stared at him, feeling sad. Poor Blake... I couldn't say he was just a jerk now... He wasn't a jerk... he was just in pain and didn't know how to deal with it...
"What? That sounded too creepy?" Blake asked with a sad smile, looking back at me.
We had now reached the fence and Blake had skipped over it and was waiting for me.
"No" I simply answered, shaking my head, and then joined him on the other side.
It was undeniably dark now. If it hadn't been for Blake I probably would have gotten lost, but he obviously knew where he was going and knew the trail...
And then I could see the light of his house in front of us.
For some reason I felt some sort of ache in my chest, thinking that this night was over. It felt like it had been a turning point of some sort. Blake had trusted me, had talked about so much... I know knew a Blake that a lot of people probably didn't even knew existed...
"Alright, guess it's time to go to sleep now" Blake said, as we got out of the trail and the little woods and walked on a nicely cut grass, not one that was high and damping my jeans.
We both stayed there, looking at each other. He was going to have to go right, towards his house and I, left towards my car. This was our goodbye.
And then I took a few steps and wrapped my arms around Blake's waist, taking him by surprise.
But then he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, leaning his cheek on the side of my hair.
"Thank you Blake" I whispered.
"What for?" he whispered back, still holding me.
"For trusting me, for talking with me tonight..." I trailed.
"Well thanks for listening" he whispered so faintly.
"And Blake" I said, and then let go of his waist and backed up just a little, but couldn't help my hand from raising and cupping the side of his cheek "You don't have to feel bad and take all responsibilities alright?"
Blake just stared straight in my eyes, and then sighed "Alright..."
I dropped my hand, and smiled a little "Good night Blake"
"Good night Pumpkin..." Blake answered, smiling a little too.
And then he walked back to his house and I turned around and walked the opposite direction.
Why did it feel like I was walking on clouds as I made my way to my car?