The Advice Column IV

678

Advice Request
This person needs help moving on from a toxic ex.

Answered Submission
Hi there! Firstly I'd like to say that I hope you are well and safe with everything going on in the world.

After reading your advice request, I've already noticed many red flags in what you have written. A lot of the time when you have feelings for someone, you look past these flags which is what I think you have done. No shame, it happens to a lot of us.

A lot of what you said seemed like he only came to you when it was convenient for him as stated by you in multiple things you have listed. He doesn't seem like someone you should waste your time on. If he truly was the one, then surely he would've treated you like the only girl in the world rather than messaging other girls and dating someone rather quickly after your break up.

I know it's hard saying 'get over him' but in this situation it's the only thing you can do; there's no need to waste time on someone who was so quick to jump from one person to the other.

You mentioned how you felt like it could be emotional abuse. The definition of emotional abuse is a way to control another person by using emotions to criticise, embarrass, shame, blame or otherwise, manipulate another person. I don't know if I could quite call it emotional abuse (obviously I don't know everything so it could quite possibly be) but to me it just seems like he was a jerk and didn't know that he had a great thing going which is you.

As for how to move on? Everyone's different. I suggest you find something to divert your attention to. For example, taking up a new hobby like learning guitar. Try completely deleting him from your life as in any social medias and getting rid of anything that could remind you of him—like his hoodie. I always find writing out my emotions and feelings help me when trying to understand how I'm feeling, perhaps this could work for you.

I hope this helps.

With love,
The Advice Column Team