The Advice Column IV

668

Advice Request
The requestor agreed to an open relationship but doesn't actually want to be in one.

Answered Submission
Hello,

After reading your advice request, I've noticed a couple of red flags with the situation already but firstly I'd like to say that I think it's really great that you're taking time to discover who you are. For some, it's a lot easier than others but you take all the time you need, it doesn't need to happen straight away. You can go at your own pace and take years to question and accept yourself, no one has any right to tell you when or how you should accept yourself. We, as humans, are constantly changing, so tomorrow, we will discover a new thing about ourselves. You can do that with yourself too. Take your time; don't dwell over it like it's a problem, let yourself discover it naturally.

From seeing friends and family experience coming out as gay, it can be very tricky and I know that it can be hard to be open with that but being with someone is something that can help develop you discovering yourself and I can tell you have true feelings for your partner.

Although I'm happy for you finding yourself, It's quite obvious that you aren't happy with her decision on being in an open relationship despite you saying you were okay with it. You clearly love this person otherwise you wouldn't have said yes to her open relationship and you wouldn't have stayed but personally I think she needs to know how you feel. A relationship is supposed to be mutual. She needs to think of your perspective just like you keep thinking of hers.

She's clearly not spending enough time with you despite her being your girlfriend and is making time for this other person which on you isn't fair. If she wants to be with more than one person then she shouldn't be in a relationship and should stay single instead of hurting your feelings. You've compromised a lot by letting her be in an open relationship already but she hasn't thought about you and your pain and perspective because of her decision. She should understand that it's normal for you to feel hurt because no one really likes seeing their partner in love with someone else. That does hurt and that is wrong.

I know that it's hard to hear but personally I think you deserve someone who will love you and only you. Clearly you're not getting the attention you deserve in a relationship and if she has openly done stuff with the other person and that upsets you then does she really care about you as much as you care about her? She needs to know how you feel and if she doesn't want to continue the relationship with you and ONLY you ,then she's not worth your time. One day you'll find someone who wants you and ONLY you. Please do understand that not everyone that comes your way is supposed to be meant for you.

I hope this helps and that you're staying safe. Please stay happy and healthy. We're here if you need more help.

With love,
The Advice Generating Team