Advice Request
This person found out recently that they loved their significant other in a different way than before.
Answered Submission
Hello,
I know this isn't an easy position to be in. You don't want to hurt her, but you don't want to stay in a relationship where you don't feel either. There's nothing wrong with that. You can come to find you love someone differently than you thought you did in the beginning. There's nothing to be guilty over here. Now, if you decided to keep this from her, and just play this out in the hope she ends things or until you "build up the courage" to talk to her about it, that would be something to be guilty over.
I suggest you talk to her as soon as possible. Tell her where you stand, and what you need to do. Don't stress over her mental health too much. You need to keep yours in mind first, and ultimately, if she does something to herself over a several-week old relationship then that's likely not someone you want to be in a romantic relationship anyway. That is not healthy behavior, and it isn't healthy to tie yourself to that either.
Honey, her actions are not your fault. She will respond in some way, and whether she hurts herself or moves on, it's not your fault, and that it not something you need to bear on your shoulders. Now, I know this won't make it feel any better. I know that won't make it easier. You're still going to feel guilty for hurting her because you are a person with emotions and empathy for other people. And you care about her. You don't want to hurt her, but honey, you need to do what's in your best interest right now. You are young, and you and your future should be your main priorities. Tell her exactly how you feel, and state where you want to go from that conversation. Do you want to stay friends? Do you want to end it entirely? Be very clear, and try to be concise as to keep any miscommunications or mixed signals from occurring.
I hope this helps, love. If you have any more questions, or find yourself in need of more advice we are here and happy to help.
Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team
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The Advice Column IV
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