The Advice Column IV

667

Advice Request
This person is dealing with a lot of family issues.

Answered Submission
Hey!

Honestly, your situation is quite disheartening. Even as an outsider, I can imagine how hard it must be to be surrounded by someone you're not sure you like very much 24/7.

Let's talk about your mom first. First, you should realize that even if you don't love you mom, it's alright and your feelings are valid. You don't have to love her, but you should always respect her. Mothers are humans too and all humans have flaws. She has her ups and downs, her depression and tension. If you haven't already, how about trying to get closer with her? Talk to her about your favorite TV show, what you learnt at school today, a random news that you heard, help her out with house chores and talk simultaneously, watch YouTube videos with her that interest her mainly because you're trying to please her. If you can, do more activities with her, make her realize your presence and existence. Help her realize how useful you are.

I understand that no child should have to do all these things just to be acknowledged by their parents but your situation is hard on your mental health. I used to hate my younger brother for no reason before but now I adore him because we got close by talking about things that interest him and me. I hope the situation gets better with your mother after you try being more involved in her life. Force her to appreciate you, be so good that she can't deny you.

Lastly, I do think your mom requires therapy as much as you do. Your panic attacks are concerning and so are your mother's mood swings. If you can, after getting slightly close to her or when she's in a good mood, how about suggesting doing therapy together? If you don't feel confident in doing it together, try going to therapy alone first and ask yourself therapist for advice related to getting family therapy together. If you can not afford therapy right now, I apologize but you can only try to be nice to your sisters and mother. Get closer with your sisters too, start with your elder sister. Gain some support from her and join conversations between her and your mother.

Another small advice is to note down things you like about your mother, and try hard to find her good points. Things you wanna do with her, things you've already done with her; things that made you smile. Don't give up on your mom, you don't have to change your mom's personality or how she behaves towards you. All you can do is simply change your behavior towards her and make her focus on you.

Your younger half-brother's situation is honestly pretty scary. Please keep in contact with your other half-brother's to keep an eye on him. Use similar methods to get close to him: doing activities together. However, if the effects are the opposite and he's getting worse with you, stay away from him or meet him only when you're surrounded by people.

The situation is harsh and I can not stress how brave you are to be able to go through all that. Being close to 18, I'm guessing you're a high schooler, so try focusing on which university you want to go to and perhaps apply for their dorms, so you can get away from this. Save up on money starting now but don't tell anyone you're doing that.

As difficult as it may be, it might be time to take your health into your own hands. Right now is not an ideal time to let it sit and possibly and get worse. Do you have any friends with a license who can take you to your appointments? I know the pandemic must be limiting social interaction quite a bit, but it never hurts to ask. You say your older sister also has her license, you could ask her as well. If you think it is something that can be treated over the phone via telemedicine, call your doctor and schedule an appointment. If payment is a concern right now, there might be some free or low-cost clinics in your area that are always willing to help.

If you are currently attending school in-person, it may be time to talk to your counselor. I know there's a lot of stigma around high school counselors, and rightly so, but when the time comes to it, they can be allies. It might be frightening to do so, but you and your health need to be your main priorities.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this situation. I know you are trying the best you can; know that whatever you feel is valid and rational, no matter what anyone says. Please reach out to us if you need anything else, or just someone to talk to. We are here for you whenever you need us.

Much love,
The Advice Column Team