The Advice Column IV

715

Advice Request
This person's ex keeps giving them mixed signals.

Answered Submission
Hello,
This sounds like a confusing situation. Your ex is sending you a number of mixed signals, so I can definitely understand your confusion. He says don't talk to him, but there he goes talking to you. He blocks you on social media, but he's staring at you in class. He says one thing, but he does another. The question here is what do you want to do about it?

You mentioned that you've dated three times on separate occasions, but that every time someone else got in the way and ruined it. Twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern. If on three separate occasions someone ruined your relationship, then there is more you need to look at under the surface. There is a common denominator here. Now, unless there is one singular person who has "ruined" your past three attempts at this relationship, the likely reason for these relationship failures lies more in one or both of you than any outside influence. There is a reason you two haven't been able to work together in that sense, and I take it that it is not about just another person "ruining it". With that in mind, I would suggest staying away from another attempt at reconciling your relationship with your ex. Let him stay just your ex. You said in your request in response to his saying that he "couldn't date you" that there was no talking of dating him again, so I sincerely hope you hold to that. I cannot see this relationship going anywhere, but that is from my limited perspective of your life so take it for what you will.

Now, personally, I would cut all ties with him. Be friendly, be polite, but I wouldn't try to keep him in my life especially after being blocked and told never to speak to him again. Of course, this is simply a suggestion from us. If you want to be friends with him, do as you will but tell him your clear friendly-only intentions. Clearly and concisely tell him that you want to be friends, and that is all there is to it. Even if you do want to maybe be more than friends at some point once again, now is not the time to pursue it. He doesn't seem to know where he stands or what he feels about you, thus the incredibly confusing mixed signals, and trying to pursue another relationship with him right now will only serve to scare him off or make him more confused than he already is. And I wouldn't worry about his friends. People will have their opinions and thoughts, and there often no point in trying to change them. As long as they are not harmful to you, it doesn't matter what they think of you.

I hope this helps, darling. If you have any other questions, or want or need more advice, you are always welcome!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team