The Advice Column IV

754

Advice Request
This person has an toxic relationship with their parents.

Answered Submission
Hey!

That must be a very tough situation to be in. It's very discouraging to have your parents say things like that to you. I hope you don't pay heed to such negative talk and understand and realize your own worth is much more than what anyone else may point out.

I think you should try to lessen your time with your parents, especially if they're constantly being negative and trying to put you down. If you hear them fat shaming you or saying other wrong things, just smile and go back to your own room if you have a separate bedroom. Try spending more time with your younger brother when you're at home. Since he goes through something similar, try to encourage each other and have a good relationship with each other rather than having a bad relationship with parents.

I'm sorry to say that if you're a minor, your options are pretty limited. However, if you're an adult, you can move out of the house. If that's not a solution since you're financially dependent on your parents, I suggest you try to earn through part-time jobs or freelancing (that is, if you're above 16 years of age). This can keep you busy and I also suggest you do this in private since there's a chance your parents might disapprove or take away the money.

You can try keeping a camera or phone (audio or video) recording turned on when they insult you and hit you. Especially since physical violence is condemned by the law, I would suggest getting proof of physical violence immediately. When they hit your brother or you, get it recorded somehow. Although it's harsh to record while your brother is getting hit, getting the evidence is equally as important and will help you both. There are many ways to get proof, I suggest you do some online research over it.

As far as I can suggest, keeping minimum contact with your parents and getting evidence are the only two methods I can help with. Other than that, you can try going to therapy in secret as well but it could be hard considering that therapy is expensive and you might not be able to afford it without your parents' consent and money.

Please try to make yourself happier in other aspects of life. Eat well, dress prettily, do your skincare routine, work hard in school, exercise lots. All of it is impossible and sometimes it's hard keeping up with everything and everyone. That's all alright, just don't be too harsh and negative on yourself due to other people's words. Even if they're your parents, you have to respect them for sure but that doesn't give them a reason to disrespect you.

Please stay safe and take care of yourself. If it gets too much, please contact the police or child protection services.

Thank you,
The Advice Column Team