The Advice Column IV

735

Advice Request
This person has been drifting away from their friends.

Answered Submission
Hello,
Sometimes we are not in a mental place to talk to people. That's just the way it is. And it can makes us feel really bad when we "ghost" or ignore our loved ones. That sense of guilt might make you text them back for now, but eventually it could cause you to cut ties entirely, and when you're ready to talk again you'll find yourself unable to. That doesn't help the situation at all. So to your first question, no, I do not think you should cut ties with your friends.
So that begs the question, what is the alternative because you can't keep going the way you have been.

Sometimes friends drift apart. That's another fact of life that we have to accept and deal with, but sometimes we can work productively against it. You want to stay close with your friends, but you have found yourself in a period of self-isolation. That can be self-destructive in several ways, but today we're going to focus on your relationships with your friends. The key to keeping understanding and ties between you is communication. If they don't understand or at least know from you where you're coming from, they are going to think you just don't want to talk to them anymore and will eventually drift away themselves. Talk to your friends about how you've been feeling, so they know about it. Then when you find yourself in a mental place where you don't want to talk, send out a text that you're not feeling great and you're not in a mental state to chat. Let them know that it's not personal. It's nothing they did wrong, and that you want to be friends, but you also don't want to over extend and exert yourself emotionally. And sure, maybe some of them won't be okay with that and some may drift off after that, but ultimately you have to take care of yourself. If you're forcing yourself to talk when you're not in a good mental place for it because you're scared you'll lose people then eventually you'll grow resentment towards them, and that won't end any better. And you should want to surround yourself with people who care about what's in your best interest as well as talking with you. So as cliche as it may be, communication is key.

I hope this helps, hun. I hope you feel better, and feel free to reach out to us again!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team