The Advice Column IV

605

Advice Request
This person wants advice on a situation that recently developed over trust.

Answered Submission

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way for so long. We've gotten requests pertaining to a number of mental health issues, but as far as I can remember there hasn't been a request about Reactive Attachment Disorder yet. Keep in mind that we at The Advice Column are not professionals and cannot diagnose or treat mental health disorders, however, we will do our best to give you helpful advice.

Based on your request, I can see that there is definitely a lack of trust between you and your parents and, while I cannot say whether or not you do in fact have RAD, I can look at the surface level. Let's start with that. Trust issues are generally formed when one fails to meet the other's expectations. In your case, your parents don't seem to be listening to you. You told us you made a cry for help and that your mother shut it down. This is something that needs to be addressed. The first step here would be to try to open lines of communication between you and your parents. Try talking to them again. Maybe talk to your dad about how you've been feeling, and then bring your mom in. If that doesn't work, then we'll move to the next step.

I know you said you can't talk to someone about this, but I want you to ask yourself if you are happy with where you are. Are you? Based on your request, it seems like you are not. Nothing will change if you sit by and wait for them to change their minds or for you to be old enough to move out. Change is hard and it takes work, but weathering the storm is better than staying where you are. Keep this in mind. It's something you need to think about.

When it comes down to it, I think the best thing to do is to talk to a psychiatrist. It would be beneficial if you could talk to your parents in a monitored therapy session as well. That way, you can say what you've been feeling, and your parents can't shut you down. You would all be able to talk with a mediator to help keep the situation from becoming explosive and reactive. That way, it won't be as much of a confrontation as a healthy, necessary conversation. I suggest bringing it up with you parents. If it would make you more comfortable to talk to a psychiatrist on your own first, then you can work up to bringing your parents into the conversation. Either way, it is in my personal opinion that talking to a professional would be the best thing for this situation.

Mental health is very important, girl. You can be healthy as a horse physically, but if your mental health is crumbling then you're not truly healthy. You need to talk to someone. Get all these pent up emotions out and into the open. Once you're in a place where you can let them go, life will get so much brighter. Trust me, I know! That won't happen though if you keep holding all that crap inside and pushing everyone away. I know sometimes it seems easier to be distant and protect yourself, but you're only hurting yourself, hun. You need to let go of the emotional baggage holding you down and let people in. Start small. Talk to the friends you have. Form bonds with them. Talk to the ones you feel are most dependable, and talk to a professional who can give you the help you need to succeed. I hope this helps!

Stay strong,

The Advice Column Team