The Advice Column IV

638

Advice Request
This person is having friend issues.

Answered Submission
Hello there,

Please don't think that your request is dumb. Having friend troubles is quite common throughout your whole life.

It's nice of you for making efforts to befriend her at the start of semester. However, there are times things won't work out like we want to.

When I was 10, I had a fight with my some of my best friends and then they began to ostracize me. At that time, I felt like they were the bully and the mean ones because suddenly I was the one alone without friends. Luckily, another group of kids approached me and began hanging out with me so I was never really alone. Later, when the fight resolved with my best friends, that's when I found out that I was the mean one.

So in this fight that had occurred with the girl, we really don't know what the girl is thinking. She might have thought she was really the victim in this situation and you guys are the bully. She's experiencing this through her perspective while you're experiencing this through yours.

I'm not saying you're the one in the wrong in this situation but, you have to realize that you lying to her about the 'admin' thing is not a good thing on your part. The incidents that followed after it was because you and her were fueled by your emotions. I'm unsure on how to approach this really because this is now a matter of perspective and how each of you view the situation. From your perspective, yes, she's the one that was acting out first but something might have happened that only she knew. But I can't say that she's completely innocent either because I don't know this story from her perspective. So this is really a complicated matter for an outsider like me to really solve it.

If I were you, the approach that I would take is to be completely neutral and be the bigger person. I would probably apologize first and then move on.

It sucks, I know. When people did things to you, yes, you want to retaliate. However, to be honest, most of the time it's not worth the hassle. To continue dragging this fight would only affect your mental health and it's not good. It's better if we just take a step back and stop responding to them and just be polite and as civil as possible.

About sharing this problem with your mother: yes, when telling your mother, I won't lie but there's a high chance that you will not get the response that you wanted. When I was younger, whenever I tell my mom about the problems I had with friends from school, she would always offer me perspective from the friend's side, and it used to frustrate me because it feels like my mom's taking the side of the ones I had fights with. However, as I grew older, I realize it's just her way to help me defuse the situation so that I will step back and think more instead of acting on my emotions. Most mothers only want what's best for their children. Although, it doesn't mean that their way of teaching us is always correct.

It's up to you whether you really want to tell your mother about this or not but if you do want to tell her, you can try telling her that you're really confused with the whole situation and you just want everything to be better.

I hope this would help clear your mind a little and please stay safe and practice social distancing during this COVID-19 season.

Love,
The Advice Column Team
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