The Advice Column IV

742

Advice Request
This person's online friend is being manipulative.

Answered Submission
Hello dear,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. That is certainly very stressful, and I feel for you. So let's go over your request, shall we?

So in short, your internet friend is upset that you're not talking to them as often as they want you to, and you are very busy and have several other things going on in your life that are taking up your time and your ability and/or availability to chat with them, and you're upset because they don't seem to understand your perspective. Now, from my perspective on the outside of the situation, it would seem that C not only doesn't understand your perspective if that's what's happening, but doesn't respect your time. It can be upsetting when your friends don't talk to you as much as they did at one point, but as a friend you have to be able to respect that they have their own life with their own issues, and sometimes they can't talk or text as often. That is simply part of life, and part of being a friend. You are not always going to be the main priority, and it is foolish to think you should be. 

Now, as frustrating as this sort of situation can be, what is absolutely not okay is to try and guilt trip your friends into stretching themselves too thin or promising time they don't have. That is what C has done. They have guilt tripped you to try and make you talk to them more.  It is manipulation. I am not going to tell you to stop being friends with C if that isn't what you want, but I would suggest thinking about how they have chosen to respond to this situation. No one wants to be friends with people who actively manipulate them when they don't get their way. That is not okay, and is entirely inappropriate behavior. And whether they have mental health issues or not, it is not your job to cater to them. C's actions are not your own, and you cannot blame yourself for anything they do. That is entirely on them.

Now, since you want to try and rectify this friendship, I think your first order of business is to explain to them how they have made you feel, what they have done to make you feel that way, and that you need them to back off a bit. Tell them again why you aren't talking to them as much, and that it's not that you don't care about them, but you have your own life and responsibilities that need to be addressed. And I would strongly suggest telling them that you are not okay with them trying to guilt trip you. If they get defensive about it, stand your ground, and don't let them talk over you. You have a right to stand up for yourself. And however they choose to respond is up to them. The only thing you have control over is your own actions.

I hope this helps, hun. Don't hesitate to reach out again at any time!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team