The Advice Column IV

701

Advice Request
This person has an online relationship with someone they've not met before.

Answered Submission
Hello,

First things first, we need to address the age difference. Five years is not an issue for adults, but it absolutely is for a minor. You are 14. He is 19. He is a legal adult, and you will not be for several years. This troubles me greatly. By law, you are still a child no matter how mature you are or how old you feel. You are a child, and he is an adult. A 19 year old man has absolutely no business dating a 14 year old, long distance or otherwise. That is predatory behavior, and it is not at all okay.

Next, you have never met him. Part of me is glad you've never met him in person because that makes me feel a little better for you. From what you mentioned in your request, I can only imagine how he'd behave and what he'd request of you if you two knew each other in "real life" rather than just online. That thought does not quell my worries though. You don't know him, honey. He says he's 19, but do you actually know that for sure? He could be anyone, and you have taken to believing him blindly. We live in the age of the internet, and it is such a common thing in our daily lives that the danger that we may face is no longer on our minds when we talk to people online. You have to be careful. You don't know who people are when they are shielded by the anonymity of the internet, and your boyfriend is no different.

As for your phone activities with him, honey, you are way too young to be engaging in that sort of thing, especially with someone that much older than you. He is a grown man, and you are a teenage girl. He should absolutely not be speaking with you in such a way. It doesn't matter if he loves you, or if he says he loves you. It doesn't matter if you love him. You need to remember that he is displaying predatory behavior towards a 14 year old girl. How would you feel if your friend came to you with the same request you brought us? Or your sibling if you have any? You'd probably be wary for them, and advise against it. Considering you reached out to us with your questions makes it clear that you feel there is something wrong going on even if only secretly.

Honey, it is in my personal and professional opinion that you need to end things with him before it gets bad. It is not a safe situation to be in, even if it's only online or over the phone. He is an adult, and you are a teenager. He should absolutely not be engaging in any sort of romantic endeavors with a minor, especially a minor five years younger than him. I hope you think about this, love, and if you have any other requests don't hesitate to reach out again.  

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team