The Advice Column IV

798

Advice Request
This person is facing some mental health issues. Their friends are ignoring their issues and downplaying their feelings and problems.

Answered Submission
Hello again!

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Mental health is a struggle in of its own, and to feel belittled and alone on top of it is even more harsh. Please do not worry, you are free to reach out to us at any time! Even if you already made a request recently. Now, let's get into this, shall we?

My biggest suggestion to you right now is to talk with your friends. I'm sure that probably isn't the most fun answer, but it is a necessary action to take to try and rectify the situation. I'm sure your friends weren't trying to hurt you. That doesn't excuse some of the things they said to you, but you also have to think about their perspective. It sounds like they struggle with their own mental health issues as well, and as you know, that is exhausting. Poor mental health is fatiguing, and so to be dealing with your own issues and bearing witness to your friend's struggle with it as well takes a toll on a person, and it sounds like you've been expressing your struggle a lot recently.

That does not mean you are a burden.
It does not mean they don't love you.

It simply means that they are people with their own lives and struggles as well, and they don't always have the mental space or energy to tend your wounds as well as theirs. You are absolutely fine to talk about your struggles with your friends. Just be sure to ask if they are okay to listen to you vent for a little bit. Even if you make yourself always available to them like that, that doesn't mean they are obligated to carry more than they can handle to accommodate. Some people can handle a little more than others, and that's okay.
Take some time to think. Sort through your thoughts and figure out what you want to say to them. Writing down your thoughts as they come is a great way to organize them. Then, go to your friends and tell them how they made you feel, and what they did to make you feel that way in as calm a manner as you can. Hopefully, taking a little breather will help to cool you off a little bit. Remember, a confrontation does not have to be aggressive or angry. Just have a conversation with them, and when you're done speaking, let them talk as well. Dialogue is very important. Communication is a two way street, so it is important to hear them out as well. I think it is a good idea for the three of you to set some boundaries with each other to help prevent things like this from happening in the future. Asking for consent to vent is a good place to start for all of you.

As for your mental health itself, I am very glad that you are using your art to help you outwardly express it. Keeping those things internalized is not healthy, so I'm glad you have an outlet. Personally, I don't like to share my own vent art because I view it as a very personal, intimate thing, but if it helps you to get it out then do so by all means. I would also like to suggest looking into professional counselling if that's an option for you. As I'm sure you know, talking about our mental health struggles can be immensely helpful in managing them, but a counselor or therapist can provide advice and insight that your friends cannot. Another piece of advice is to take some time for introspection. Meditation is a great way to do that. Take some time to yourself to think on what you struggle with. Dive into your mind. I find that it helps to talk to myself out loud. A common misconception is that meditation is a silent activity. It's not always! Talk to yourself. Pick one small thing, for example, a fear you have, or the things you value, to focus on, and follow the string as far as you want to through your head. Talk yourself through the internal dialogue and follow the trail. You never know what discoveries can be made about yourself or what realizations you might come to just by thinking about yourself and your life for a little bit. And having a deeper understanding of yourself in turn gives you a better understanding of your mental health and how to manage it more effectively. I suggest thinking about your love languages first. A big part of managing mental health is knowing how to treat and care for yourself, and your love languages apply here too! How do you like to be loved? Why? Pick up the trail and follow the string into the metaphorical yarn ball of your mind.

I hope this helps, love. Good luck, and message us again anytime!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team