The Advice Column IV

766

Advice Request
This person's friend has stopped contacting them.

Answered Submission
Hello,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Losing a friend is a difficult thing, and the lack of closure on the situation makes it worse. The only thing you can really do in a situation like this after reaching out yourself is trying to move on. But you know that, so you're already on the right track for healing and growth.

The first, and arguably most important, thing you should do is allow yourself to process. Check in with yourself. Determine what it is you're feeling. For example, "I'm upset." Why are you upset? "Because I'm hurt by the situation." What emotions do you feel right now? "I'm sad/angry/etc. because of _______" It sounds silly and sometimes repetitive, but it is a good way to work through what you're feeling by acknowledging the emotions, and attributing them to specific things. It's also good to use "I" statements like shown in the example because sometimes when processing we try to separate ourselves from the hurt. "It hurts" "It's sad" etc. In this way, you're acknowledging the feelings, but not accepting them. You are still holding onto it because you've yet to claim it for what it is and how it's affecting you.

Another good processing tip is talking to your friends or a family member about it. Getting your thoughts out in the air can be very helpful, and even cathartic if you've been holding it in. It can feel good to get it out. And if you're not comfortable talking about it with someone else, you can always talk to yourself. Ranting to the air can be good too. It still gets your words out without having to step too far out of your comfort zone yet. Writing your thoughts has the same purpose, and often the same affect. The trick is doing what works for you.

Unfortunately, the processing step takes a while. It’s not an overnight fix. It will take a little while to fully process and come to terms with the situation, and for it to not hurt anymore. You have to remember that you're grieving. That takes time, and that's okay. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and heal. I do suggest reaching out to your other friends. Even chill, casual conversations are a good thing. The last thing you should do is isolate yourself. That only serves to make you feel worse.

I hope this helps, love. Feel free to contact us again! We are always happy to give any advice we can.

Stay Strong,
The Advice Column Team
​