The Advice Column IV

656

Advice Request
This person is facing problems with their family.

Answered Submission
Hello,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know that can't be easy for you, but don't fret. I will do my best to give adequate advice on how to deal with it.

First off, the issue of your mother's discipline. Normally, I would suggest a sit-down, peaceful confrontation where you explain your thoughts on the matter, and how her actions have affected you in the various ways you've stated. Unfortunately though, from what you've told us of her, I do not believe your mother would be receptive such action, especially on your part. She is angry, and most likely bottling a lot of things up, hence her highly reactive nature. For her,  being told something she's done is wrong, or negatively affecting you, would be like a slap to the face. A blow to her pride, especially coming from her child. I believe your best course of action would be to speak about it with your siblings and perhaps your father, but that is definitely a risk you have to debate with your siblings about before asking him. I definitely think going about it as a group would be much better than going alone.

Now, as for for father prioritising your siblings over you, I suggest you talk to him about it alone. Explain to him how you're feeling. I fear from what you told me that he might at first be dismissive of the issue. Don't let him. Keep his attention on you while you're speaking. Not on his phone or the tv or whatever he's doing. Make him look you in the eyes if that’s something you're comfortable with, and tell him what has been on your mind.

Next, your parent's arguments. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do there. What goes on between your parents in their relationship is their issue. It's best to stay out of it.

Moving on, I am so hurt for you that you were molested. That is a terrible, terrible thing especially considering how young you were at the time. I am very glad that man is no longer near you or in your life, and I pray it stays that way. Now, if he does come back for any reason, stay away from him, and certainly do not allow yourself to be alone with him. Whether or not he has any other ill intentions, this is hypothetical of course, it is best to stay as far away from him as possible. That way, you're not in a position to fall victim to another assault or from bad memories and/or potential panic attacks.

As for your anger, it stems from a buildup of negative emotions and stress. You need to find a way to let those emotions out. Relieve the pressure. I think talking with your siblings and father will help with some of that. Specifically the stress related to those respective issues. You can also try talking through some of these issues with friends. Talking is one of the best ways to let go of  negative emotions. You can also try journaling. I find that having your thoughts out in front of you makes it much easier to sort through them.

I hope this helps as best as it can. I wish you the best, darling. If you ever need more advice, we are here!
Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team