The Advice Column IV

606

Advice Request
This person is being bullied by their friends.

Answered Submission

Hello!
I'm sorry to hear about your friends. I know personally how hard that can be, but don't worry! It can get better. Now, I say can, rather than will, because the "if" is all about you. For example, IF you want the situation to get better, you need to do something about it.

Honey, I know confronting people can be hard, and confronting people you care about is, in my opinion, even harder, but nothing is going to change if you don't make them aware of how their actions have been affecting you. And, hey, no one's saying it needs to be an aggressive confrontation. In fact, I strongly advise against it. Using "I" statements ("I feel ___ when you do ___, therefore I'd like ____") is often helpful, as you're talking about your experience and feelings rather than jumping into attack mode and putting the recipient on the defensive.

Although I don't think this will necessarily happen, in the case that your friends show themselves to be uncaring towards your spoken feelings, perhaps it would serve you best to remove yourself from them, and find other people who listen when you ask them not to do something. I suggest you keep this as an contingency plan in case things don't go as you hoped, but please do not make this your first move. You care about these people, and I'm sure they care about you as well. Try and work things out before going to drastic measures.  

You have a voice, hun. Use it. Make it heard loud and clear that their behavior is unappreciated and at times even hurtful. You are not going to feel any better until you do. I hope this helps!

Stay strong,
The Advice Column Team