Satin Fantasy

41. Time to Say Goodbye

Alice settled in the main bedroom which she and Isabella both slept in before she was hospitalized. She was looking at her friend, fuzzing all over her making sure she is settled comfortably. They had been friends from when they were just children.

Growing up as an orphan is not the best headstart in life but she would consider they were all blessed growing up in that orphanage. There was enough love and laughter and friends to keep for life. And of course she had found her friend to keep in Isabella.

Her age being between Elizabeth (who is 3 years her senior) and Isabella who's 5 years younger than her, made her assume the role of a middle sister. While Elizabeth had always been the steady and level headed one, she was the crazy  ball of energy who is the reason for most of Isabella's time in confession.

Somehow it was no surprise to the nuns that Alice was not adopted before she was big enough to start helping out in the convent. They sometimes ask her if she does it intentionally, the mischief and unruly behavior whenever prospective parents would come visit for her.

Looking back she must have indeed. Alice had known Elizabeth and Isabella were not up for adoption with sister Annie having promised their mother they will be raised in the convent like her own. This had made her want to stay in the convent knowing they will have each other to grow up with.

Alice of course felt very sad upon hearing the decision of Elizabeth to move out. Not being blood related, Elizabeth could not take her with them. Despite reaching the legal age, she knows she couldn't just abandon the convent like an ungrateful human being.

At present, all worked out for everyone somehow. But it tore her heart to hear how lonely and scared Isabella is. She had always been the caring and soft one, the silent giver. Putting a brave face even when she must be so sad inside.

"Ali, do you want to get something to eat before taking a nap?" Isabella asked gently while on her way out the room.

"I'm still full with hospital food, Belle. Don't mind me." Alice responds, breaking away from her thoughts.

"All right, just call me if you need anything. I will bake some goodies for later."

"Will do, thank you."

They smiled at each other before Isabella goes to the kitchen and Alice back to her musings.

*****

"If we're done here, I'll get going now." Freddie said as he got up from the mixing board.

"Not quite really, there's the song line up for the mini tour we've still yet to finish." Brian answered from the end table, looking at a paper in each hand.

Roger sulked in response, "We've been here all bloody day! I'm sure there's time tomorrow to work on that."

"Well tomorrow is Sunday Rog, our one day off." John offered to remind his band mate.

"Urgh! Then no choice but to get this fucking thing over with." Roger slumped beside Brian who's trying to work on their set list.

Freddie checked the clock, it's now 10:23pm and they are just to start brainstorming with the show's line up. There is no way he could come visit Isabella now. Shit!

He had been on edge the whole day. His little phone conversation with Isabella made him that. Something about her detached tone and her over all reception towards him made Freddie uneasy.

That's the thing about telephones yet again. You may hide your identity or someone may hide theirs from you. In this case, he knows Isabella is withdrawing something from him. Not allowing him to see through her. Why does it feel like a fucking goodbye? 

*****

Taking note of the time, Isabella sighs to herself from relief or disappointment she doesn't know. It's past Eleven now and she should get ready for sleep. Tomorrow, Alice is going back home and she would be by herself again. It's lonely but she must learn to accept it, she told herself.

Going to her room to get a change of clothes, she saw Freddie's powder yellow polo shirt which she kept separate to the side for special laundry. As if drawn by magic, she carefully picks it up while she sat gently to the edge of the bed. She smelled his shirt causing her eyes to shut. His body smelled so good, like warm vanilla with a bit of spice. She can't get enough of it! She nuzzles the side of her cheeks to the soft fabric, remembering how good he looks in it. He is such a baby sometimes and so sweet when he wants to.

Isabella gently lies down to the bed pulling Freddie's shirt to her chest imagining it was him. It must feel so good to nuzzle next to that chest with his soft fur tickling the cheeks.

How wonderful it must feel when he wraps his arms around you in an embrace knowing he is yours. And his smell, how can anyone get enough of that? So soft yet so manly, the combination is so potent it's hard to resist.

She was in Freddie heaven when she heard Alice called from the door.

*Coughs* "umm Belle, are you ok?"

"Ali! Uhhh.. yeah! Yes, I am.. wh.., why are you still up? Are you in pain?" Isabella bolted up so fast while putting Freddie's shirt behind the pillow.

Alice walked inside the room and opened the bedside lamp. The warm light filled the small room while she held Isabella's shoulders as they sit slowly on the bed.

"Belle, dearie.. I could tell you're in the middle of something.. would you want to talk about it?"

"What? Oh.. uhmm, I don't think I cou.."

"It's ok dear. I will not judge you, I'm just here to listen."

"Ali, I'm.." Isabella pursed her lips, trying to concentrate with her thoughts. "I.. there's this.." she looks up at Alice who was patiently listening to her.

But before she could continue, her tears just fell. There were too much emotions and she can't get it out.

"Ohh, Belle..it's ok dear.."Alice hugs her before continuing "I know it must be really weighing on your mind. Umm, is it about a boy?"

"Oh Ali! I don't know what is happening to me! I've been fighting it but it's so hard!" Isabella moves out of Alice's hug so she could look to her eyes.

"Is it that Mr.Mercury? Your Freddie?"

"Oh he's not my anything, Ali... He's always someone's something but me? I will never have a chance at any part of him."

"I see.. do you love him, though?"

Looking down as she sniffs Isabella answered. "For so long now.. it was supposed to be an innocent, secret thing! Oh Ali, I just couldn't help it I, I can't control myself around him!"

"There, there.. take it easy.. has he told you anything about his feelings?"

"No! I know he doesn't see me that way! I'm like a, a friend that's all.. and it's the most I could hope for.. so it hurts but I have to accept it before I fall even deeper."

"Why was he always going to you then, Belle? Surely he has other friends? If he has no feelings why does he care to even call the hospital? Send flowers? And don't even start me with the shirt."

"He's just like that Ali, he's .. different. He's kind to a fault and then he has his temper too.. but that's the problem I think. People take his kindness like some sort of pledge of love. I'm not like that. I know where I stand."

"What if you're wrong, Belle? What if there could be something there and you won't even give it a chance?"

"That's the point, Ali. I know I don't want 'something'. I want the full thing but he could not give it. Would not give it. So, I better not take any chances.. It's best I say goodbye to him."

"Are you sure that's the right choice Belle? To end things before it even starts?"

"He is my choice Ali but he is not mine to keep..."