Satin Fantasy

3. Just Me

While everyone is with someone, Isabella walks herself to the flat she and her sister shared. She couldn't express the sadness and loss she feels in her heart.

On the outside, she was not one to show too much emotions other than openly expressing gratitude or sympathy towards someone's plight. She has always been the shoulder to cry on by her friends from the orphanage and from school. The steady source of optimism for her sister. The additional set of hands when help is necessary at school or at home or at the library where she's been spending most of her time. She cheers from the sidelines when one of her friends ever need one and would go out on a limb to give what she can to a friend in need.

Growing up in an orphanage within a convent perhaps made her this way. There isn't much alone time for anyone to spend a private moment doing whatever and most things are shared among each other.

Even sleeping seemed like a circus sometimes with bunk beds upon bunk beds all lined up beside each other. Little snores and giggles from one girl to the next filling the halls all through the night.

Today however she was desolate, left empty of anything to share than her grief. Her sweet and caring sister has left her. How can someone be here one moment and gone forever the next instant? The last conversation they had was how excited Elizabeth is at the prospect of having a baby one day before reminding her sweetly; "but you will always be my first baby." She was very much her sister's baby that is true. She sobs with silent controlled breath, taking very little space on the corner of the sofa where she sat.

Now the flat feels too cold and silent. She was keeping a brave front while at the ceremony as their small circle of friends extended their condolences to her.

The Sisters from the convent had been ever present by her side asking her to come stay by them back to the country side where she is safe and free to mourn as she pleases.

Her sister's colleagues from the library were very helpful  ensuring the whole ceremony for the young couple now peacefully resting would be as easy for her as possible. With all the love pouring from the small community she has, Isabella was grateful.

There must be a lot of hate in the world as she was often told and a lot of sadness too but compassion is not too far. She had always been cared for one way or another whenever life was being harsh and so her heart is left clean of anger or bitterness.

But she was not heartache-proof. In the stillness of the flat her tears kept rolling. With no prying eyes to judge or soothe her, she let herself go in body quaking sobs that she tried desperately to quiet with her hand to her lips. Her longing for her sister is as tangible as the cold marble urns laid to rest earlier today.

It took awhile before she was able to steady herself from her anguished sobs. She wanted to do her sister proud by sticking to their pact to seize life as it comes by living in the city. She wants to be brave like Elizabeth, to not waste time feeling scared or unsorted.

She must rally herself to live life the way Elizabeth desired for them, convinced in spite of all the tears that the way to honor her sister she must make every moment count. A decision not made in haste but born of love for the sister who is all the blood family she ever came to know.

Her sisters constant guiding love and protection all these years is enough to allow her to be as sheltered and safe as she is now. True, easier as it was coming back to the convent, she decided to stay where she could continue life as planned no matter how much it might be breaking her heart at the moment.

For Isabella, love is premium. It's about time she made sure her sister gets the one wish she asked of her; to live fully.

Isabella wills herself to be strong and get hold of her grief together. Once the decision has been made final in her head, Isabella felt more in control before slumping back to another fit of tears. She told herself she will start with life again tomorrow. For the moment, her body was too heavy and eyes won't stop with the downpour. In between sobs, sleep came finally allowing her a moment's rest from this unyielding heartache.