Natasha Harkin (Natasha Romanoff x Y/N Harkin gxg)

Red

Y/N POV 

Our meal was completed while being the gross couple. We kept feeding each other and sharing soft kisses but I didn't care. Just being so close to her was all I needed. We both were still being a bit touchy with each other and there was a lot of laughter but not many words. We didn't need to talk which was nice. I never wanted to go back down because this was perfect. The peace of the outdoors was around us and the weather was perfect. The waterfall near the pound made a soft splashing sound and birds were flying overhead. 

"Remember when we were cloud-watching on the beach?" I ask and tilt my head to look at her. She was on her back with her hands behind her head with her eyes shut and her body still on full display.

"Yeah. Feels so long ago." She turns her head to look at me and there is a small smile on her face. "We talked about me leaving SHIELD." 

"And you threw my words right back at me," I mutter. 

"I did. But I also told you that it was to atone for my past." She sits up and looks over the horizon. "Is your head clear enough to listen?" 

"It should be." I sit up next to her and take her hand in mine and wrap my other arm around her shoulders. "But maybe you should put on a shirt." 

"Right. I forgot, my body is too distracting for you." She stands up and finds both of our shirts and tosses me one. She finds our underwear and bras as well but decides the pants are too much work before sitting back down. "Better?" 

"Lots." I agree and rest my head on her shoulder as I take her hand in mine.

"Well, you already know I've done things I'm not proud of. Lots of things." She starts and I nod as I bring a hand under her shirt to draw on her back. 

"Red in your ledger," I recall from her talk with Loki. 

"Yeah. Red. I know nothing about my birth parents. I've never bothered to look. I ended up with this... this organization. It was called The Red Room and it was run by the USSR. Young girls were made into weapons. We learned sharpshooting, hand-to-hand combat, and ballet." She takes a deep breath and I squeeze her hand. "All the things I still use today." 

"You aren't the same person, Natasha. You are the amazing person that I love." I kiss her cheek and she nods while clenching her jaw. 

"This was all done with the intention of creating the ultimate spy. We had to kill an unknown innocent man. More than one sometimes. But guess what? I fucking excelled. I was great at it. Everything they threw at me I did without question and I was good at it. I think I even enjoyed it for a time. The attention, the positive responses to what I was doing was all that mattered." Her voice gets tighter as she rushes out the last part. 

She squeezes her eyes shut like she's trying to rid herself of the memories and I pull her against my chest. "You're allowed to cry," I whisper and she shudders against me. "No one will judge you." My hands rub up and down her arms as she nestles against my chest a bit more. I feel her body shake a bit and I feel bad that I'm making these memories surface.

"After training... we have to do this graduation ceremony-" Her voice cuts out and she clears it a few times. "Once I graduated... I started to rise through the ranks. I became one of Russia's most skilled assassins. But I started to come to my senses and I knew what I was doing was wrong but I couldn't escape. I got so good at the KGB that I became a danger to global security and I was put onto S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar." 

"That's how you met Clint." I guess and she nods against my chest. 

"Clint was sent to kill me." She says and I hear a soft chuckle. "Like he could have beat me."