A/N: What is up with posting depressing stuff today...? Ah, well, this oneshot contains talk about suicide and depression. If you're uncomfortable with these topics, then this may be something you want to skip. Please note: I AM NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES APPROVING OF ATTEMPTING SUICIDE AND I AM NOT TRYING TO GLORIFY DEPRESSION. If you are contemplating suicide, please get help. You don't have to go through this alone. At the end of the oneshot will be the phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
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"I gave up on hope for a better future a long time ago."
Those words echoed in his mind as he stared at her through the glass, watching her get ready to end her life.
He wanted so badly to reach out and stop her; yell at her to keep living.
But he couldn't will his body to move.
He was always there, watching.
He had seen the moments upperclassmen rudely pushed past her, causing her to lose grip on some of her textbooks and fall.
He had witnessed when each and every friend she thought she had left her abruptly, some ending on terrible notes, some ending because of no communication.
And each time, he ran into her.
She was always the quiet one. Being the SHSL Reader, she always had her nose in a book whenever she was alone. Sitting at a cafeteria table, sitting at her desk, sitting by the fountain. She always had a different book with her.
She was painfully shy, awkwardly smiling at any social interaction that spanned past a few sentences to her. Every time she got a compliment, she would blush and deny it, but he noticed that whenever she'd gotten one, she'd had this tiny smile on her face for a while.
He didn't know quite when he began getting attached to her. They'd never spoken more than a few words to each other, but now that he saw her, ready to kill herself, he felt as if he'd known her for years.
He could stand it no longer. He saw her getting the sleeping pills from her backpack, and he opened the door right as she'd dumped its entire contents into her hands.
He could notice that she froze in her place. "(y/n)."
Without turning to see who was addressing her, she spoke quietly. "...Mitarai."
"What are you doing...?" He asked, and mentally smacked himself for the stupid question.
She slowly lowered her hands and turned so she could face him. Tears made tracks down her cheeks, her lovely (e/c) eyes reddened from crying. Her cheeks were still flushed, and she looked altogether sorrowful.
"Is it not obvious?" Her voice, meek, echoed in the large, empty room. "I'm going to kill myself."
"Why?" He took a tentative step forward. Seeing as she didn't immediately move, he took another one. "You can't do this."
"Don't." She bowed her head, her hair shading her face. "Please, let's not discuss this right now."
"But we have to." He took more steps, until he was only a few feet in front of her. "I will not let you kill yourself. I care about you-"
"Stop." Her head flew up so she was staring him right in the eyes, and he couldn't lie, his heartrate sped up a little. "Don't you dare say you care now. Don't you dare say you ever liked me when I'm about to die."
"But-"
"No." She gave him her best glare through the tears clouding her vision. "You're just like everyone else. Everyone else never spoke a word to me during my time here, yet I bet you my life that when I die, all of them will be all, 'Oh, I loved her so much', 'Oh, she was my best friend.' Being lonely is the worst torture a person could ever go through."
"You have no idea what I've been through." She kept going, and he kept quiet, letting her speak. "For sixteen years of my life, I've been alone. Oh sure, when I was a small child, I had friends, but those friends left me once elementary school began. Do you have any idea what it's like growing up with no friends? The only ones that were ever friendly to me were the damn teachers!"
"Do you know why I read books so much?" She asked him, not caring if he tried to give an answer. "It's because at least books won't judge you as you walk by. At least books won't stab you in the back when you expect it the least! At least books will never break your heart over, and over, and over again!"
He wanted so badly to stop her ranting. Deep down, he knew she had to. So many bottled-up emotions...she needed someone to listen.
"You really want to know the reason I'm killing myself? Fine. It's because nobody loves me." She turned her face to look out the window so he wouldn't see the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I've always been so alone...you have no idea what it's like, for sixteen years, having nobody to hang out with, to tell them your deepest secret crushes and know they'll keep them, to laugh with them, to do anything with them! All I have are books. And all books have is me."
He opened his mouth to speak just as she broke into shuddering sobs, her back heaving with each breath. She sounded like she was beginning to have trouble breathing, throwing her head back, loud gasps for air alerting him. "She's hyperventilating, you idiot. Do something!"
He wrapped his chubby arms around her, and she automatically turned to weep into his chest. He felt the fabric of his uniform getting slowly drenched, but he didn't care at that moment. All that mattered was making sure this girl didn't kill herself.
He remembered yesterday's events, how she had snapped at Hiyoko, uncharacteristic anger thoroughly shocking the blonde. She had stormed away, not caring if Sonia was calling to her to stop and come back. The blonde had said something nasty in return, turning and stomping off as well. The poor princess looked frustrated, and he had promised he would go after her.
He vaguely noticed she wasn't crying so hard and soothingly rubbed her back. She hiccupped and hid her face in his chest, and he rested his chin gently on her head.
"I know you feel alone," his voice was soft as he closed his eyes. "But you aren't."
"What do you mean...?" She asked with a shuddering voice. "I am alone. Nobody wants to be my friend."
"That's a lie." He said, letting her pull away slightly as he opened his eyes so he could look at her tearful face. "Because I want to be your friend."
Her eyes widened somewhat and fresh tears came to her eyes. "You...really mean that? Are you sure you mean that? Not because I'm trying to die?"
"I really mean it." He nodded, wiping one of her tears away. "I've wanted to for a while, but I never knew how to approach you."
"But...but you..." She sighed. "You have friends. You have a reputation. Why are you trying to befriend me? Don't you see that your friends will ditch you if you hang around me?"
"Don't say that." He looked deep into her (e/c) eyes. "Because I'm alone too."
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A couple of years later, he was graduating Hope's Peak high school with (y/n) (l/n), the girl with the lovely (e/c) eyes. He watched as she joyfully threw her cap in the air, laughing when Ibuki had tackled her playfully to the ground.
He was forever grateful for the night he took the time to save her life...because in that time, he had slowly fallen in love with the suicidal girl that he rescued all that time ago in first year.
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A/N: Once again, I am not condoning suicide. Please, please, please get help. You are not alone.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1 (800) 273-8255