Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

93

-Not lonely anymore

What a peaceful feeling, it is, to feel completely numb.
I never thought I would be able to bare sitting alone in the dark at night. I always thought I'd remember your sweet promises about forever and the sound of your laugh. I thought I would be constantly haunted by the familiar faces that I used to spend the best times with. I thought the fact that this world is temporary would forever upset me, and that consistency would be my only goal.
Now I know that consistency means being comfortable on my own. Now, as I'm sitting in my living room, watching the cars moving forward on the huge highway of the city I live in, I realize that that should be the only thing that should matter. Moving forward, keep going. Not for a particular reason, nor for a particular destination. But staying stuck in what was can destroy you, and I won't choose what's toxic for me. I'll choose to live on the days I feel like dying. I'll choose to laugh until it hurts on the days I want to cry a river. I'll move forward and let the past go when all I want to do is to hold their hands and beg them to stay.
I should not be doing the begging. They should willingly stay, or else I don't want it. They should want me the same way I want them. I will not let anyone destroy me this way anymore. I am enough, and I am someone easy to love. If that's not how they treat me, I don't want a friendship.
I see it clearly now that I'm feeling calm.
What needs to be removed from my life will go, and who wants to stay will find their way to stay. Head strong and up, no more expectations, or regrets. Just acquired wisdom and lessons learned.