Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

67

- I suddenly didn't want you anymore.

My life isn't mirrored by my writings that talk about the ache of missing you. It's about the brutal reality of my fate, that changed me into a strong warrior. A ruthless one. But I'm only human, and there's only so much I can take from you. My feelings for a situation where you'd pop up out of nowhere to try to fix everything are messed up in an unhealthy amount of thoughts no one could pick out. I'm tormented with them. Again. The only difference is, now I know it, deep in my gut, that you're gonna find a way to meet again. You can't just come back now. After I've struggled for so long, for over a year, to get you out of my fucking system. That's not fair. I was getting over you, feeling better about the new kind people in my life. I deserve to receive kindness just as much as I give it. You were put on a pedestal you didn't belong on. I mistook your darkness for emptiness, I mistook your indifference for limited care. I mistook you all along for you to turn out to be the monster people were talking about. They were right, and I discovered it by myself, all because I refused to listen to gossip. I didn't trash your name when you left though. I remained your cute little loyal puppy until recently, when I changed my priorities. You no longer mean a thing to me. You don't even know the new me. So please, before you think of coming back, know that you won't be welcomed back. I won't stand waiting for you forever. I deserve to fill this hollow space in my heart that took place after my loneliness became my way to live, after it became my only bestfriend. I pushed people away until recently. I've let many people in. I'm actually decent to them, showing them my true colors for once. My true colors I used to only show you. My kindness, humor and good care I didn't think others deserved to see. Now I think you don't deserve it. Funny how my whole life fell apart only for it to start the complete opposite of what I was fighting eagerly to build. Funny how I'm not the master of my own fate, and the only thing I have a word in is my mere reaction to how things are changing around me all the time. I'm a mere passenger in my own story sometimes. But at least I'll get to be the one that rejects you this time. I guess karma is a real bitch.