Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

35

-Waking up.

I had a lot of regrets, their highlight being my unbreakable loyalty to you.

I knew that you weren't deserving of it, but that didn't stop me from offering it to you time and time again, even after you were long gone. It felt like I was holding on to the ghost of you, trying to convince your retreating figure that I was enough for you to stay, even as you were leaving, clearly fading away.

Your opinion overruled mine for so long that it felt extremely difficult to find any sense of direction without you. I stayed loyal to you, knowing that the way you let me down and walked away was something that was scarring me. We were both terrified of making you the villain of my story, even though it was more than obvious to anyone unfolding the pages. I was used to you influencing my decisions and my life, but I had to do it myself for the first time in my life.

This infatuation and heartbreak was an awful combination that I wanted to get over with. It felt like you were living in my mind, and forgetting you was wishful thinking. I kept mourning what could've been while pretending I wasn't affected, because I still had to face you everyday. I decided that if you were going to see me, you would see me happy. You weren't going to own up to your mistakes and I refused to break in front of you. 

To my surprise, you didn't seem to know me as well as I thought you did. You believed my act that I had perfectly crafted to convince you I was instantly doing better. I was fueled by the hate I felt towards you for letting me go so easily. If your pride was the only thing that mattered to you, mine was perfected just to show you how capable I was to get over you.