Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

63

- Strangers.

I find it foreign, the thought of you texting me again. I find you foreign, a stranger I can barely remember through memories of us in a distant past.  To think of how much you affected me, how you controlled my feelings, I gave you my mind, my heart and my soul ; it's a terrifying thing to think of. And I can't help but compare the old me to the current one. I can't care as much as I used to before. I'm not that innocent girl you can trick with two words, and make her think the whole night about what she did wrong for your behavior to change so suddenly. I'm an empty shell of a girl, trying my best to find reasons to be happy in a world where I only felt pushed down by the cruelty of my fate. I no longer depend on people, simply because they come and go. I want my happiness to rely on some stable things such as goals I set, until I reach them and set new ones. I find myself relying on my books, that make me travel into different places while I'm confortable in the warmth of my bed. I am the masterpieces I create with my pen, my heart speaks through the numerous faces I draw everytime in many shades of grey, mirroring my soul. And sometimes, when books aren't enough anymore and faces become a blurry insignificant thing in my mind, I let my soul speak through my writings, a tad of messy uncompleted sentences that often make no sense, finding this mess conforting to the rage building inside of me as the days go by, unable to stop myself from pouring my heart out on papers, trying to get rid of these destructive feelings inside of me one by one unsuccessfully. Maybe it'll take another hundreds of writings to get over you, another million drawn faces to fully forget yours, and a lifetime to forget the dangerous pull of your dark empty shell of eyes that used to read my soul like nobody else, seeing through me like nobody else before you. But I'll get over you, and forget you definitely, even if it's the last thing I do.