Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

10

-War.

I felt like giving up when life made no sense. I had to go through all this chaos and move on in it. It was hard enough to heal, let alone have your peace disrupted everyday by the very people that hurt you. It made the process harder to go through. 

Thing were out of control and nowhere felt safe, life was a series of things happening all at once while all I wanted was to be left alone and find inner peace. It was an absolute warzone. 

Being overwhelmed by emotions, I found out eventually a new talent. I drew faces, thousands of sketches. I had a visual and remembered faces to their smallest detail. I drew until I didn't remember anyone, until strangers weren't disrupting the peace in my head, until my brain was quiet. I found beauty and chaos in people, and art was my only salvation. 

Spending time alone, and focused on my healing, I started to dig within and feel inspired by the emotions at war inside of me. Not only did I discover words explained my emotions to me, but they also ended up being my escape. I read almost every day and discovered so many other stories to dig in these pages. It fueled the writer in me and inspired me to find my own words to spread my own message to the world.

I was slowly starting to become a new version of me, a version I fell in love with. That artistic and poetic girl that had so much to give in the things she did. And it happened gradually.

At first, it was hard to focus on reading, I suffered from overthinking which made me want to want to stay curled up in bed and not be productive, just the thought of my warm blankets got me craving the security and protection I felt there. But no, I had to feel that excitement again, reading. I had to find my old reasons to love life, to look forward for tomorrow, the ones that didn't involve them, temporary people that wrecked me. 

No, I was looking for that sparkle in my eyes that wasn't there anymore, something I noticed when I looked at myself in the mirror, inspecting every inch of my face. I fooled everyone around me, I was more than fine, nobody could tell I was fighting a battle with myself every day.