Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

65

-Unhealthy fantasies.

In my wildest fantasy about us, we'd meet again one day when we're both out with friends. It would me random, and I'd go say hi to your friends that are mine too. You'd try to get my attention and you'd be persistent about talking to me. You'd show me how grown up you've become, and you'd manly handle the mess you did by apologizing. It would send warmth through my system, ending the brutal daily dilemma between my heart and mind instantly, and leave me waiting and longing for you presence in my life as a blessing. That fire we had would still be there, between us, only coated with sweet little things that only lets it spread as a comfortable warmth in our hearts, connecting us in new ways, that wouldn't have a destructive consequence on neither one of us. But in my most realistic daydream, we'd meet randomly at a mall or at a restaurant, you barely recognizing me, me barely acknowledging you, I'd overthink the idea of saying hi to your friends, that if you were with them, not with some new girl that would've made her way through the broken fences in your damaged heart, in that case I'd just spend the whole time feeling tense, trying to act relaxed and laid back, while it would feel like I'm 16 again. No matter how old I get, or how far I go, I'll never be able to burry my sweet innocent self that acted on impulse and stupidly with you. And no matter how many years go by, you'll always feel a bittersweet taste spreading in your mouth when you hear or say my name, numbing you for seconds, while you restrain yourself from feeling ashamed or sorry about your behavior towards me. It's just the way it is, I guess. The person that mattered the most to me hurt me the most and won't apologize or fight his way back to my life. He doesn't want to, that's his truth. The emptiness I mistook in his eyes was suffocating darkness waiting to engulf some innocent soul in it while sending alerting signs to my head and paradoxically attracting the victim. I don't need to further dwell on the thought of you, I've finally figured you out.

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Thank you for reading. You're amazing.