Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

45

-Nostalgia kills us slowly.

I had thought countless time about how a reunion between me and the people I used to consider my closest friends go.

I had thought of a million ways that conversation would go, and that was when I was at my lowest when I felt heartbroken. 

Only when I felt like I had moved on, and built better things, did the characters from previous chapters of my life made a way to come back.

It felt like life was toying with me, giving me exactly what I had wished for at the moment I did not think their presence nor absence mattered to me anymore. 

I took it as another learning opportunity and met the people who apologized with grace, choosing kindness to bring myself the closure I needed from these people. 

I had better people in my life now and things would never be the same again. I had changed a lot, and couldn't see myself with the same crowd. 

I did feel nostalgic when we interacted, and when we exchanged smiles again. We were on good terms again, but I was looking at the same eyes that meant the world to me, now strangers on different paths in life. 

I knew these characters had their time and made me learn to live without them. They were now background characters I forgave to move on. 

It felt like the end of a cycle, and the beginning of a fresh start. 

And even though life was starting to be better, I still felt nostalgic looking back at my past, the people I loved and outgrew, and the hardships I had went through that shaped me as a person.

I also felt nostalgic looking back at the old version of myself that I knew I would not be getting back. The innocence was stained. A silent storm raged behind my eyes. I fought through the pain to get to this version of myself, and even though that was a great accomplishment, the past would always have a part of my heart that I would not get back. 

I recognized all these mixed emotions, but knew that this time around, I would not let the same things hurt me, I was stronger now, and I could make it. 

My heart might be still healing, but it still wanted you. But I wasn't the same girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and gave people her all. 

Nostalgia might suffocate me at times, but the heartbreak you put me through was my only reality.