Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

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-Seeing life in a different angle.

I wonder at times what would life look like from a different angle, if I hadn't been let down and disappointed by this many people from a young age.

I've been proved again how little other people care. People that I used to see as close friends became strangers in an instant.

I wished for so long to be receiving love and care and be treated like a priority, turns out I wasn't receiving those things because I was asking for them from the wrong people. I shouldn't feel this lonely when I'm surrounded by people who are supposed to care about me.

I had to stop looking for these things to be given to me, and start pouring in my own cup for a change. I had to stop pouring into cups of others that would let me down when their cups would become full. I had to be that love and care to myself.

I figured after a while that how you treat yourself is how you allow others to treat you. I would wait to receive and stop giving away parts of myself to strangers around me. I had to fix myself to be able to fix others and make a good change in the world. 

I would stop settling for less that what I knew I deserved and burn bridges as needed. I had to lose some people in order to not lose myself in them.

Some relationships were too draining to be counted as healthy ones. And I was more than ready to take care of myself on every level, because that wasn't selfish, that was self-love. The right people would find their way to me, once I found the way to myself.

I had to play pretend for a few more years, until I moved from the place that broke me. My only hope was that one day this pain would make sense and would make me wiser in terms of who was allowed into my space. 

I couldn't heal in the same rotten environment that was tearing me down on a daily basis. The scars made me stronger and made me love the solitude. But I wouldn't put myself through unnecessary pain when I was capable of healing. 

I knew my worth now, and things would be different. I had a hard shell that protected me from the pain around me. I couldn't care less about the people surrounding me, and seeing how temporary they were in my journey helped me detach from it all.

I looked invincible from a far, but I knew the truth. Nothing came handed in this life. I had to break down to be able to stand strong on my own. The stabs on my back were proof that I was better on my own rather than surrounded by people who only paid mind to their own interests.

All I saw was how strong I was, and how resilient everything around me made me. All these broken promises and lost friendships did not destroy me, they fueled me into the warrior that I became.