Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

46

-Emptiness.

All I ever wanted was to feel worthy of being loved, and yet all I've known is survival on my own. 

The emptiness is getting heavier day by day, slowly consuming my being and destroying my sanity. I walk through life feeling nothing, as if I'm just a passerby in my own storyline. 

I used to admire the beauty around me through rose colored glasses, and see the beauty in everything and everyone around me. 

It feels hard to connect nowadays. I have seen my fair share of humans and no longer felt like I had it in me to be excited about getting close to people anymore, I preferred my solitude. 

I know the void inside of me is temporary, a reaction to all the harm I had to face, to the adversity others have shown me, friends I considered family. 

I feel like an outsider as I look at the city through my window, the ghost of a girl that used to be vibrant and full of life, now staring back at my reflection in the glass with an empty stare. 

I don't know if I'll ever get back to how I used to feel and be. 

The world that used to be full of colors and layers seems now mundane to me. 

And this emptiness was comforting in a way, because I was tired of feeling too much, and it was numbing the pain successfully. So if it meant that I wouldn't be able to feel the good emotions as well, I'll get over it.  

I needed a break from emotions.