Roses And Thorns (UNDER HEAVY EDITING)

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-Friends can break your heart too

People's expectations can feel like a burden sometimes. They fail to understand that when something as complex as heartbreak shakes your whole world upside down, you can't get up instantly, as if nothing happened. 

 My smile changed that day, it used to represent my happy moments, but lately it felt like a bloody mask fighting on for dear life to cover the wounds underneath. 

Some things happen so fast, they make you lose sense of yourself, and that's exactly how this made me feel. My soul was crushed, and my eyes were empty of emotions. 

People wanted to live a masquerade, so I played along, and buried the pain deep down. My smile all of a sudden was a weapon, a reminder that I was strong, even when I was feeling far from it. But I still felt some part of my soul dying. 

Every day felt like a challenge, more than an opportunity. Sleep was the only escape when it came to heavy emotions, when insomnia wasn't the one in control. 

It didn't make sense to me, that the people I trusted most turned their backs on me.

I felt infuriated with the fact that I was unable to move on, while the people who hurt me most were going on about their lives without as much as a second glance my way. 

Their words had power over me, and hurt me because I let them in. 

All I wanted was for those who hurt me to care, to realize my worth, but that wasn't an option. 

I had to do it on my own, to rely on myself, no matter how heartbroken I felt, how empty I was inside.

An apology from them wouldn't change anything, the trust was broken, and things would never be the same again. When trust and hearts are broken, there is no more room for friendship.

Maybe that's why they're not even bothering to make a move, I kept telling myself. 

They know they lost me the day they decided to stab me in the back. 

Life was a lot of things, but right now, as I was drowning in my own head, it mostly felt unfair.

Friendship always meant the world to me, and they were the closest thing I ever had to a solid friendship. 

That day I understood that friends can break your heart too.