Touch Me

Time

"How do you like this one?" Kevin asked, tying my tie for me. I was able to tie my own ties by this point, but it had essentially become a tradition for Kevin to tie my ties for me. He loved it. And so did I.

"I-I like it..." i smiled

"You're tearing up..." he chuckled, rubbing my arm.

"I just.. can't believe the day's finally here.. i mean we did everything. We chose where we're getting married, we chose a cake, we did... everything. And once I buy this suit... it's ready. We're doing it.."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I'm sure. I'm so sure.."

"Me too, Sunshine... So this is the one?"

"This is the one"

"Alright, baby.." he smiled, planting a kiss on my temple.

We paid, heading out to the car.

"I'm so excited..."

"Me too... I think I may have to curse today.." he chuckled

"Me too.."

"Are you ready..?"

"I'm ready."

For the venue, we chose the most fitting spot. The hill near the park. Our first date. His proposal. Everything. It was a significant spot for us. And where else better than there?

He drove me back home, then heading to his house to get ready.

I was beyond excited. I love him so much. I love his mother so much. And his aunt and his uncle and just... everything. I'm so blessed. There's only one thing I would change about today. I wish my grandfather were here. All my life, he was all I had. And I don't have him here for the most important and most wonderful day of my life. I alway imagined him giving me one of his famous pep talks to ease my nerves before I was to be wed. but he wasn't here. And he never will be. And to tell the truth, it still stung, just a bit.

Can I do this without him?

He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. He was supposed to see me marry the love of my life, he was supposed to shake Kevin's hand and say 'take good care of him, Son.' He was supposed to do the things that nobody else could. Things I'll never get to experience, without him. He was supposed to be here. 

I sat down on my bed, tears slowly falling down my cheeks as the memories of my late grandfather rolled in. He always wanted to see me get married. When I was a little boy, he talked all about my future wife. How he wanted to pay for my entire wedding, and have a dance with my bride. Then, as I grew older, and he met Kevin, his tune didn't seem to change. He wanted to be there. He wanted to see me have the most wonderful wedding I could possibly imagine, he wanted to tell me how proud he was, and send me off on my honeymoon. Whether it was with the bride he'd spent my entire childhood envisioning for me, or the handsome young man I'd brought to his doorstep, he was happy. As long as I was loved. As long as he was there.

I sat there on the bed for what felt like ages, trying to slow my mind. I made myself tremendously late. He was waiting for me. I'm letting him down. He probably thinks I'm not coming. That I've gotten cold feet and had run away. I don't want to give him that impression. But I'm not sure I can do it. Not without my grandfather.

It was another ten minutes before I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

I looked up, and saw Kevin, through my blurry vision. He looked so handsome in his suit.

"Connor.. we've been waiting for you.. it started thirty minutes ago.. what's the matter?"

"I-I..... I can't do this without my grandfather...!"