Touch Me

Shatter Me

Kevin knocked on my door softly.

"You alright, Love..?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah... come on in." I sighed

He walked in, wearing an all black attire just like myself.

"Hey... How're you feeling?"

"Not great."

He nodded and put his hand on the side of my shoulder

"I'm so sorry, Sunshine..."

"..are you ready to go..?"

He nodded and took a step toward me, fixing my tie.

I tried not to start crying before the funeral even began, I really did try. But I was unable to stop the tears from falling.

"Oh, come here, Connor.." He whispered, wrapping his arms around me.

I only started crying harder, my face dug into his shoulder.

"I-I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. Don't bottle it up, Okay? You're alright... It'll be alright.."

I nodded and grabbed a hold of him, trying to stop my crying

"Take your time, Love..." He mumbled

"I'm sorry, I-I just... I miss her a lot..."

"I know you do, love... I know you do." He sighed.

I only finally let go of him when it was time to leave

"Ready..?" I sniffled

He nodded slowly

"Okay.. My grandfather is already there..."

"Okay...Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"As ready as I'll ever be..."

He pulled me into one last hug, holding me tightly.

"Alright.. let's go..."I sighed

"Okay..." He opened my door for me, walking me out of the house

As we began walking, he kept his hand tightly in mine. I was still in tears the entire walk there, which was rather far. He wanted to console me, but didn't quite know what to do. There isn't much of anything he could do. There isn't anything anyone can do. I just want her back.

We soon arrived at the funeral home. As I was about to walk into the building I froze dead in my tracks.

"Connor?" He whispered, setting his hand on my shoulder "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... I'm just....i-it's really setting in now..." I sighed

"I'm so sorry, Love.."

"I.... Let's just go in..." I wiped my eyes

He nodded and walked me in, keeping his hand on me for comfort . It helped a little, but nothing could make me feel better. I sat down, still wiping tears from my eyes. He sat himself next to me, but leaving me space so I didn't feel crowded. As the funeral started, I began unknowingly digging my nails deep into my leg. I didn't even realize I was until the pain was insurmountable. The longer the service went on, the harder it was not to cry. Finally, I broke down sobbing. I tried to quiet my cries, but it was insanely difficult. Kevin set his hand lightly on my back as I hunched over, covering my face. I felt like I was being a distraction. I was clearly being a distraction. Fuck, Connor, stop crying. Idiot. Stop it. Stop. I inhaled deeply, shutting my eyes. One of the only people who ever loved me is gone. I'm never going to see her again. She's gone. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to see her one last time. I never get to see her again. I have to go the rest of my life without one of the only people who kept me strong. Truthfully, I hope I don't have to go on that way much longer. I don't want to go on longer without that support. No. Stop thinking about this, Connor. Just shut up and stop being so fucking selfish. I dug my nail into my leg again, sighing and directing my attention to the service. Luckily for myself, Kevin was now no longer staring at me. I didn't want him to see me like this. He's seen me upset more than enough times, and I don't want him to see me this genuinely hurt. I haven't felt so heartbroken in so long.